Sensual Philosophy …

After posting my last entry, a few people have asked me to tell them the truth about that poem. Since then I’ve been debating if I should do so publicly, but as an unlisted entry (for those who explicitly seek it). This is that entry. If you ended up here because you’re subscribed, or another reason but do not desire to know the truth about it, then don’t read this. I will decipher every cryptic part of that poem from the beginning. This will be long.

The poem is about the choices we make and the consequences of our actions.

Have you ever thought about the consequences of your actions, and examined what would happen? There is a concept of alternate realities which basically conveys, anything that can happen does and will happen. The poem examines the pros and cons of a single choice. The choice to reject (fight), or accept and it plays out what happens in either case. There are many symbolisms and metaphors contained in the poem. In the beginning the act of bowing, and curtsying is an act of momentary submission. It is an act of modesty. So while one reality starts off with submission, the other reality starts off with the exact opposite. Simply put, the couple that’s dancing accept each other … the couple that is fighting, reject one another.

Although neither situation is a dream, there is a reality in which they are dreaming. We dream because we do not want to accept or are not satisfied with what exists. When we dream we distance ourselves from reality. That distancing is the birth of denial and delusion. Those denials and delusions lead to confusion. For a conflict to exist, both parties must be dreaming and are confused … regardless of what they delude. How much clarity can a person have when they are focusing on fantasy? As an parallel, on one hand we have someone who is pro-abortion and on the other we have someone who is against abortion. As long as both parties do not accept reality, they will conflict. However, the moment one person truly accepts the other’s position (accepts reality), there is no longer a conflict between them. That is the case even if the other person does not accept it, since who will they be fighting if the other person is not? They can only fight with themselves. As such, when we fight someone it’s because our dreams (desires) conflict with theirs, but we’re both dreaming.

So in the reality where the couple is fighting, they are dreaming … and where they are not fighting, either they are not dreaming or their desires do not conflict. He desires (dreams) to lead the dance, and she desires (dreams) for him to lead or simply lets him (accepts). They are working together, whereas in the other reality they are working apart (egotistical & insecure). The next metaphor in the poem is about the memories of yesterday descending. It refers to the picture which fell from the broken frame, and reflects that against their current decline of forgetting that they love each other. Since when we fight, we’re only loving ourselves. Since we’re only accepting ourselves. There is no connection in that moment, only loneliness / solitude / individuality (ego).

The next metaphor is … life anticipates their steps, if only they’d listen.

Things have a way of working out, if we allow it to. However, we’re often stubborn and controlling. Refusing to see or listen to anything other than ourselves. So because of our fear (insecurity) we choose to go against even nature itself. We perceive ourselves to be focused and with direction … but the truth is we’re just frantic and trying to stay afloat. So we arrogantly delude ourselves into believing we know what’s best. When we don’t have a clue, and are dreaming. It doesn’t matter what the situation is, or what we’re doing … so we can take our pick of the delusion or topic. We can focus on the past, or the future, whatever we need to avoid focusing on, accepting, and appreciating today. Then sometime while we’re dreaming, we’ll get a taste of reality … and it’ll shock us (scare us), and / or amaze us. Why is it that people are so attentive when an accident happens? Anyone who does it, it’s because they were dreaming prior to it happening. Reality doesn’t stand out or impact so much when you’re already facing and accepting it.

The previous paragraph matches the poem, and stops at “an audience held in suspence captivated by their movements” aka the audience captivated by reality. The inaudible words, is a reflection of her inability to listen to him. She doesn’t hear him anymore, just sees him. She’s shut him out, and then shuts down (when she crosses her arms). While in the other reality they are embracing one another. The statement that “they stand on their last” actually applies to both realities. It’s metaphoric for the pending end of one relationship, and the literal position of the couple as they were dancing (they pivotted, then shifted). Their travel to remote locations was metaphoric for “they became submersed in the presence of one another.” It is the act of getting lost in a moment, and truly appreciating reality. So ironically the metaphor is the opposite of what it depicts.

The tear which trickles down her face, was the mark of the point of no return. For when she covers it in shame, she is both afraid of being herself … and sharing herself. If a couple had trust prior to that, and it’s lost … few couples ever come back from that (it takes a very strong bond to be able to overcome that). The mirrors on the ceiling is literal. Then her doubts kick in, and he turns away from her or in other words … abandons her. Previously in the reality where the couple was dancing, they did not completely submit to each other. That lack of utter submission was because of fear. In the moment that the husband or boyfriend abandons her … if he wasn’t busy loving himself, he would’ve been supportive, and reassured her that things will be okay. He doesn’t have to say something like, “no it wasn’t a mistake.” Since that would be to merely reject her again (since he’s saying she’s incorrect). However, in the other reality … they were supportive, and reassuring.

“the same plase I’ll be for the rest of it.”

May appear to be a rejection to some people, but it’s not. She answered his question, and yet didn’t. It was her way of saying, “that’s not important … what matters is where I am, not where I was or where I’ll be.” She wasn’t rejecting him, saying it’s not important doesn’t mean he thought it was important. If she was rejecting him, she would not have completely submitted to him afterwards (by closing the space between them). She desired for him to exist in the moment, and her submission was his reassurance. So he responded by giving her what she desired (she was leading the dance at that moment and it was his turn to follow pleasantly). “At least we have today.” Then, “always.” The always can appear to some like she was saying, “we’ll always remember this moment.” However, she was saying “this moment will always last, because we will always be in the moment as long as we’re together.” It’s an act of commitment. So one relationship ends, and the other truly begins.

When I was writing the poem my mind was split between the two choices, and I actually wrote two separate poems simultaneously. However, I couldn’t literally write two poems simultaneously with one keyboard so I typed the next lines of the poem before I forgot the other lines of the other poem, and the lines ended up being intersected. I wanted the mood of one to contrast the other, so I purposely made the lines so that they pushed and pulled the reader through different states. Here are the two poems for the sake of clarity:

He bows to her, taking her fingertips gently in hand.
She steps his way, and curtsies … but the space between them remains, because to get any closer would be insane.
He leads, she follows pleasantly.
Their feet sweep the mahogany floor … ever so effortlessly.
They glide, and step … glide, and step.
The consequence of their meeting is an audience held in suspence captivated by their movements.
Holding each other they react like lovers from another life, maybe she was his wife.
They stand on their last.
As they shift, their environment ceases to exist and they travel to remote locations only privy to them.
A flowing white gown spins around, and the ceiling mirrors their wake.
He looks into her eyes and asks, “where have you been all my life?”
She smiles and says, “the same place I’ll be for the rest of it.”
Her chest against his in submission … he says, “At least we have today.”
Her, “Always.”

—

Without being understanding, they argue about the things they desire to change.
She becomes irate, says that he’s a waste.
A high-heeled shoe shatters their picture on the table.
Only the frame remains.
As their memories of yesterday descend … life anticipates their steps.
If only they’d listen.
By choice, and without direction they carve their fate.
The topic?
Take your pick: the house, the car, their jobs, wanting children, the costs … unable to let go of yesterday, afraid of tomorrow, so today is lost.
His lips move aggressively but inaudible words are replaced and heard by menacing hand gestures in her direction.
Arms folded, with attitude she stands in demand on her left leg.
They stand on their last.
A tear trickles down her face.
She covers it in shame.
“Was this a mistake?”, she contemplates.
His back is to her, she who was once his world.

She who was once his world, and he who was once her’s.

———

and here is the poem in the form that I actually wrote it in (before turning it into paragraph format):

He bows to her, taking her fingertips gently in hand.
Without being understanding, they argue about the things they desire to change.
She steps his way, and curtsies … but the space between them remains, because to get any closer would be insane.
She becomes irate, says that he’s a waste.
A high-heeled shoe shatters their picture on the table.
Only the frame remains.
He leads, she follows pleasantly.
Their feet sweep the mahogany floor … ever so effortlessly.
As their memories of yesterday descend … life anticipates their steps.
If only they’d listen.
They glide, and step … glide, and step.
By choice, and without direction they carve their fate.
The topic?
Take your pick: the house, the car, their jobs, wanting children, the costs … unable to let go of yesterday, afraid of tomorrow, so today is lost.
The consequence of their meeting is an audience held in suspence captivated by their movements.
His lips move aggressively but inaudible words are replaced and heard by menacing hand gestures in her direction.
Holding each other they react like lovers from another life, maybe she was his wife.
Arms folded, with attitude she stands in demand on her left leg.
They stand on their last.
As they shift, their environment ceases to exist and they travel to remote locations only privy to them.
A tear trickles down her face.
She covers it in shame.
A flowing white gown spins around, and the ceiling mirrors their wake.
“Was this a mistake?”, she contemplates.
He looks into her eyes and asks, “where have you been all my life?”
His back is to her, she who was once his world.
She smiles and says, “the same place I’ll be for the rest of it.”
Her chest against his in submission … he says, “At least we have today.”
Her, “Always.”

She who was once his world, and he who was once her’s.

———

Although I imagine that for some the breakdown will have killed the appeal of mystery, I hope that for others it brings greater appreciation to the levels of it.

- Prasand J.

[12:53:20 AM] Prasand J.: we’ll always have today
[12:53:32 AM] Prasand J.: meaning, this moment will exist from one day to the next
[12:53:41 AM] Prasand J.: not worrying about the past or the future
[12:53:46 AM] Prasand J.: for what matters is here
[12:53:50 AM] Prasand J.: and in the other poem
[12:53:54 AM] Prasand J.: the couple was afraid
[12:53:58 AM] Prasand J.: of the past and future
[12:54:01 AM] Prasand J.: missing today
[12:54:10 AM] Prasand J.: trying to control their fate
[12:54:14 AM] Prasand J.: and as such
[12:54:17 AM] Prasand J.: things fuck up
[12:54:23 AM] Prasand J.: because they’re dreaming
[12:54:27 AM] Prasand J.: about what will happen
[12:54:30 AM] Prasand J.: and not accepting
[12:54:33 AM] Prasand J.: what they have
[12:54:45 AM] Prasand J.: so it seems as though the dance is the dream
[12:54:47 AM] Prasand J.: but the truth is
[12:54:51 AM] Prasand J.: the fight is the dream
[12:54:55 AM] Prasand J.: and every conflict
[12:54:59 AM] Prasand J.: every couple ever has
[12:55:03 AM] Prasand J.: is because they are dreaming
[12:55:13 AM] Prasand J.: and their dreams conflict
[12:55:16 AM] Prasand J.: their desires

[12:56:08 AM] Bianca Vellamorez: Yes…the leason I seem to be having the most trouble with
[12:56:11 AM] Bianca Vellamorez: …dreaming
[12:56:11 AM] Bianca Vellamorez: ?
[12:56:16 AM] Prasand J.: yes
[12:56:21 AM] Prasand J.: but the thing about that poem is
[12:56:26 AM] Prasand J.: I wrote it in a way
[12:56:30 AM] Prasand J.: that it would be interpreted
[12:56:33 AM] Prasand J.: so many different ways
[12:56:38 AM] Prasand J.: because it was my way of saying
[12:56:40 AM] Bianca Vellamorez: yeah
[12:56:42 AM] Prasand J.: “it’s okay to dream”

[12:57:10 AM] Prasand J.: at the end of the comments
[12:57:15 AM] Prasand J.: I separated the two poems
[12:57:39 AM] Prasand J.: I put it in a poem format at first, then separated them
[12:57:45 AM] Prasand J.: so the stories stand out more clearly
[12:57:51 AM] Prasand J.: and people can see what’s happening in each situation
[12:57:55 AM] Prasand J.: without being confused

[12:58:22 AM] Bianca Vellamorez: What inspired you to write the poem?

[12:59:15 AM] Prasand J.: because of something I read, that made me accept the reality that we “need” our dreams
[12:59:53 AM] Bianca Vellamorez: ?
[01:00:01 AM] Bianca Vellamorez: So that means…its ok to expect and dream?

(we had two convos going on at once, but I omitted the other convo … but due to the two convos I neglected to answer that question)

[01:11:03 AM] Prasand J.: did I say this already?
[01:11:08 AM] Prasand J.: that the situation of the couple
[01:11:18 AM] Prasand J.: it’s the same couple
[01:11:22 AM] Prasand J.: but in two different situations
[01:11:29 AM] Prasand J.: it’s not the past and future or anything like that
[01:11:31 AM] Prasand J.: it’s
[01:11:35 AM] Prasand J.: you’re in a moment
[01:11:43 AM] Prasand J.: and you have the choice
[01:11:45 AM] Prasand J.: to fight it
[01:11:48 AM] Prasand J.: or allow it to be
[01:11:51 AM] Prasand J.: and whatever you choose
[01:11:59 AM] Prasand J.: there will be repercussions
[01:12:02 AM] Bianca Vellamorez: yes
[01:12:03 AM] Prasand J.: both good and bad
[01:12:35 AM] Bianca Vellamorez: How do you really live in the moment?
[01:12:41 AM] Bianca Vellamorez: Wait
[01:12:42 AM] Bianca Vellamorez: no
[01:12:42 AM] Prasand J.: in one world, they do not fight … and in another they fight
[01:12:46 AM] Prasand J.: umm
[01:12:51 AM] Bianca Vellamorez: I need to write the blog!
[01:12:56 AM] Bianca Vellamorez: then sleep!
[01:12:59 AM] Prasand J.: it’s simple
[01:13:05 AM] Prasand J.: stop worrying about tomorrow
[01:13:06 AM] Bianca Vellamorez: I have to do taxes tomorrow :(
[01:13:09 AM] Prasand J.: stop worrying period
[01:13:16 AM] Bianca Vellamorez: OH like that statement up therE?
[01:13:17 AM] Bianca Vellamorez: ahaha
[01:13:17 AM] Prasand J.: and you can exist in the moment
[01:13:23 AM] Prasand J.: yep
[01:13:27 AM] Bianca Vellamorez: Lol
[01:13:31 AM] Prasand J.: you’re so busy dreaming about tomorrow
[01:13:34 AM] Prasand J.: that it leaves you
[01:13:38 AM] Prasand J.: unable to exist in today
[01:13:47 AM] Prasand J.: and appreciate the moment
[01:14:04 AM] Prasand J.: but that’s most people
[01:14:09 AM] Prasand J.: which is why they are insecure
[01:14:18 AM] Prasand J.: since they do not truly know where they “stand”
[01:14:29 AM] Prasand J.: they don’t really look at where they are at
[01:14:32 AM] Prasand J.: and find security in that
[01:14:44 AM] Prasand J.: because they’re busy looking at other places
[01:14:48 AM] Prasand J.: like
[01:14:53 AM] Prasand J.: the couple which fought

[01:15:48 AM] Prasand J.: actually
[01:16:02 AM] Prasand J.: the poem was written because of what I read
[01:16:05 AM] Prasand J.: due to Humaira
[01:16:12 AM] Prasand J.: and also due to a conversation I was having with her
[01:16:22 AM] Prasand J.: which in that conversation I realized that I was rejecting Stephanie
[01:16:32 AM] Prasand J.: (she and I have not been on the best terms lately)
[01:16:40 AM] Prasand J.: and that I realized my idiocy
[01:16:52 AM] Prasand J.: that such actions are purely because of fear
[01:16:59 AM] Prasand J.: where we no longer listen to the person
[01:17:02 AM] Prasand J.: who is our lover
[01:17:07 AM] Prasand J.: and we end up denying them
[01:17:29 AM] Prasand J.: I realized that I was doing that in the conversation
[01:17:36 AM] Prasand J.: so I apologized to stephanie
[01:17:41 AM] Prasand J.: and accepted the way things are
[01:17:52 AM] Prasand J.: and “then” read what Humaira wanted me to read
[01:18:02 AM] Prasand J.: which furthered my perception about what I realized the previous day
[01:18:10 AM] Prasand J.: and the blog entry was the result.
[01:23:02 AM] Bianca Vellamorez: So are you guys better?

[01:24:14 AM] Prasand J.: I was about to say no
[01:24:23 AM] Prasand J.: but the truth is … though the distance between is the same
[01:24:30 AM] Prasand J.: yeah, we’re better
[01:24:37 AM] Prasand J.: because I’m no longer fighting her.
[01:25:08 AM] Prasand J.: and maybe it’s a case of “too little too late”
[01:25:10 AM] Prasand J.: but
[01:25:18 AM] Prasand J.: whatever happens, happens.