Sensual Philosophy …

Three boys are home sitting idly, when one suggests that they do something. They exchange ideas as to what should be done, and although they partly like the ideas … they don’t exactly agree. So one boy suggests something neutral. “Let’s go camping”, he says. The other two find this interesting, and one asks why. So he says, “you want to relax, and you want hazard, while I want to play. If we go camping there’s all of that and more.” The other two boys emphatically agree, and so they go off on their journey.

–

As they arrive to their site, they see that there’s a river of life where many are congregating. So they decide to join everyone at that scene. Upon reaching the shore … they see others purchasing inner tubes, so that they can float along the river. They quickly grab tubes, and attempt to step into the flow. However, when they try to mount their tubes the three realize that they are too heavy to float.

They sink, and eventually discard their rudimentary rafts.

One boy is fast enough that he can skate on top of the water. However, he doesn’t feel like bothering … because he came to relax. So he steps out of the water, and sits along the bank. The other two stand there, and one says, “I’ll walk.” The other asks why, and he says, “because I want to see it.” The other says, “but you already know what’s there.” So he says, “but I want to experience it.” “But you’ll get hurt in the process.” “I know.” “Why not just stay here, and play?” “Because my movements are cumbersome, and my hands are hard … I’ll hurt the other children.” “But that walk is long, and tiresome.” “Then stay here, I’ll be back. The river is circular and splits into three paths. I’ll take the shorter route, and will tell you what I learned when I return.”

Reluctantly, one boy steps out of the water … and the other begins to walk, moving faster than the flow, but not fast enough to skate … and so … he trudges along. The other sees another group of three children, and goes over to talk to them. Occasionally he looks back, and sees his friend who is walking away. This bothers him, because he wanted him to stay. However, the other kids pull on his arms and he focuses on the moment. They laugh, and play as the boy who’s relaxing, watches.

In the midst of playing, the boy falls and scrapes his knee. He begins to cry because it’s the first time he broke skin. The other children are laughing, because they’ve fallen many times, and now they have someone to make themselves feel better about those memories. Except for the little girl that’s with them. She bends down, and wipes off his knee with her white dress. He stops crying, amazed by this gesture, captivated by her presence. The other kids call him names, but he no longer hears them. He stands up, as she holds his hand. The other boys become jealous of the attention he’s getting, and so they try to push him.

However, he’s much heavier than them and they just fall in their attempts to move him. The little girl wants to ride the river, and the little boy wants to join her. He runs and grabs them new inner tubes, trying to get himself a bigger one. He steps into the river, lays her inner tube down, and helps her mount it. He tries to climb on top of his … but he just sinks again. He throws away the inner tube, but determined … he decides to walk along-side.

But his strides are short, and she is light.

Realizing this, he lets go of her hand and smiles … and as she struggles to hold on, she spins in his direction, crying as she floats away facing him. They keep eye contact for as long as he can see. No longer by her side, he steps out of the river, and the other two boys rush and try to catch up. Eventually they do, trying to impress her by bragging and showing her their muscles … but she knows that they are light and as such, unstable. So she partly entertains, but longs for the little boy that waits along the bank.

Seeing that she’s not truly paying them mind, the boys stop struggling to keep up with her … and because she’s lighter than them, she floats away. A few hours later, she catches up to the boy that’s walking in the river. He sees her with tears in her eyes, and he turns her inner tube so that she faces forward in the river. He points to the bird that’s perched in a tree slightly in front of them, and tells her it’s story that he learned previously. She’s entertained, but not happy, since all he can do is show her, but not truly experience it with her … because his hands are hard, and movements are cumbersome.

He shifts his stride, and is able to keep up with her … but she wants to linger for awhile, and so he steadies her pace. Eventually he hears the boys behind him, and they curse in vain at the sight of them together. They are insignificant to him, because they are behind. So he does not even acknowledge their existence, until he sees her cry … and begins to hear the names that they are calling her. The boy stops, turns around and waits. She is steady, still as he … and as the other boys approach, he punches them in the face, and throws their inner tubs onto the bank. — The boy and girl turn away and he walks with her, keeping stride until he gets tired. Over-worked and weary, eventually they too part ways … and as she leaves, he doesn’t know if she’s crying or happy, because all he can see is her back … but he wonders, and hopes.

–

Along the bank the two boys sit, and the one who’s relaxing asks him, “what are you doing?” He says, “I’m taking a break.” “No, I mean why do you play?” “Because it’s fun.” “Okay”, and as he says that another group of children approach. Two little girls join them, and they talk while the other two girls stand off together. One little girl says, “I can’t stand her.” And so the little boy who plays says, “I can see why. Look at her, she thinks she’s too good to partake, but her clothes so ragged and hair unkempt. She has nothing on you.” The little girl smiles, but he really likes her eyes … so blue. — The other boy and girl are having their own conversation. She is entertained, but doesn’t appreciate his presence. Nonetheless, he partakes despite this knowledge.

The boy in the distance, quickly approaches two children … one who’s bullying the next. He says to the boy who’s being bullied, “if you aren’t willing to fight, then you do not deserve your life.” He asks the one who’s bullying, “why are you doing that?” He says, “because he’s weak and it’s funny.” “It’s all a matter of perception, and preference … but realize that by time you end this journey, I will have lapped you thrice.” — The other boy hates this idea. He thinks the other boy perceives himself to be so great, even though he knows that the one who relaxes would’ve lapped him twice, and the other boys six times. However, he doesn’t care about the boy’s judgement, and so he persists, “and know that there’s another boy that you cannot see, who’s already at the place where we are going. He plays, while you stress another’s existence.” He walks away, as the other boy curses him … but the one who curses stops bullying the other.

The subject of ridicule, he approaches a little girl, as he sees her fall off her tube. Gasping for air, she tries to climb back on, but the tube just flips. She tries to swim but the current is too strong and drags her in. He runs and picks her up, placing her upon his left shoulder. He steadies the tube, but notices it’s not firm. So he tells her, “your tube may have a leak, and as such you’ll continually fall over unless you replenish it.” He inflates her tube until it’s firm enough, but not so much that it capsizes easily … making sure it can still conform to her body. He rips off his sleeve and ties it around the area which he perceives to have the leak. He places her on it, and leaves. She does not appreciate this, and resents him for helping her. Then in hindsight he turns around and says, “there’s a boy on the bank, when you get to where you’re going, talk to him. You will probably like him more than me. Just know, his selfishness may clash with your own. If you know that, you’ll be free to enjoy the benefit of playing with him.”

Back at the bank, the children laugh and the two girls who stand off, scoff in resentment. Other little boys approach them, but they do not want this. They want the attention from the ones that their companions are getting. So one of the little boys who approached them loudly says, “forget them, they are nothing!” The one who relaxes, just listens. The other, is amused by them so he asks, “why are we nothing?” The boy retorts with his rationale, and the boy who plays makes a statement, and asks another question. The boy retorts again, building anger in the process … and so the boy who plays, laughs. Furious, the other boy mouths off even further, and he who laughs just makes another statement.

He storms off with his friend, and goes into the river.

All of the girls are impressed by this. They loved the way he handled it, and how he kept his cool. The two who were distant, decide to suck up their pride and come over. He allows it, even though he knows that their newfound smiles were once filled with spite and still might be. As they laugh, maybe those things become genuine … but eventually they too leave, and as they do with the boys waving, the one who relaxes asks, “why did you do that?” “What?” “When she said she can’t stand the other girl, why did you respond that way?” He says, “to relate, because it’s what I wanted.” He says, “okay.”

–

The boy in the river approaches another girl, to his distant “right”. He looks for a sec, and sees that she’s sitting with a butterfly perched on her finger. He finds that, and her to be amazing. So he cuts across the river, and upon meeting her she says, “they always seem to come around me, and I wonder why.” He says, “maybe because they like your presence. Insects, animals and people can sense such things.” She smiles, and asks him, “why are you walking?” “Because I’m too heavy to float.” “Then, why are you walking so fast?” “Because there are others waiting.” She says, “then keep your pace” and as such, she jumps into the river, and paddles while holding onto the tube. He says, “I can carry you if you get tired.” She says, “I may take you up on that.” “Cool.”

The boys at the bank, the one who relaxes … sees a girl who piques his fancy. She’s with another girl, and so the boy who plays approaches them, but at first they do not pay him much mind. So he pulls out a bouquet of roses from nothing. Amazed, one asks him, “how did you do that?” He says, “it’s magic, and a magician doesn’t divuldge his secrets.” However, she persists and then the other interrupts asking, “who is that?” “That’s my brother.” “Why is he so still?” “He prefers to relax.” “I think I’ll join him.” “Cool, I’m sure he’d like that.” And so, the girl who caught his fancy approaches him. They sit in silence for awhile, and then he not knowing what was discussed, asks, “Why did you come over?”

“To give them space, and because I wanted company. My friend wanted to frolick, but I don’t like getting sweaty. The two of them can play together, he seems to have tickled her fancy.” While others would interpret that as snobish, he’s impressed by this, because despite her preference she still accompanied her friend. He smiles, and she asks why. “Because I like your style.” Then she says, “you don’t talk much.” “I can, depending on the topic at hand, but mostly think not much needs to be said.” She says, “that’s good to know” … and they sit, watching the sun set in the distance.

The one who’s walking now has the little girl on both shoulders. She’s radiant and illuminates the dark path. They approach the fork in the river. She says she wants to go to the right, and he says, “I’m going to the left. The path is shorter, and I said I’d take it.” She says, “but there’s no light.” “I’m okay with walking the dark path, blindly.” “But isn’t that one more dangerous?” “It is.” “Aren’t you scared?” “Not really, and even though I am slightly it won’t stop me.” “…” “I’m kinda glad that you desire to stay on the right path. I wouldn’t want to see you hurt traversing mine.” “What if you don’t survive?” “Then tell the boy who plays by the riverside, I tried.” — She says, “I’ll miss you.” He kisses her on the cheek, and says, “you won’t … after awhile, but I’ll remember you for the rest of my time.” “Look for me.” “Okay.” He then pushes her tube in the right direction, as he stands there watching her light fade … she looks over her left shoulder, til she can no longer see him.

The one who relaxes says, “we’re going to get some rest.” The one who plays, “but he said he’ll be back.” “He will, but he’s not that fast. He’ll be here tomorrow.” And so, he goes to the tent with the one who’s company he enjoyed. The other girl asks, “who are you speaking of?” “My brother.” “Where is he?” “He’s walking in the river.” “Which path did he take?” “The shortest one.” “Isn’t that dangerous?” “Yes, but he’ll survive. Anyway, let’s not worry about that.” They continue to play until they too decide to sleep.

–

The next morning, the boy who plays exits their tents first. He’s ravenous, and sees a bear in the distance … fishing. He decides he doesn’t want to spend time trying to catch such slippery fish, and wrestles the bear for it’s winnings. — Wet, with a fish in his mouth, and two in his hands … he approaches the bank, while the others wait, and the one who relaxes laughs at the sight of him. He says, “which one’s ours?” “Your shit is still swimming.” He laughs and says, “Okay.” He then dashes, grabs some fish, and is already next to him by time the one who plays … sits. His companion asks, “why didn’t you just give them one?” “Because he’s fast enough to get some for them without having to wrestle a bear.” She says, “I see.”

They prepare and eat their breakfast together, and as they allow it to digest another group approaches them. One of them says, “we saw what you guys did, and thought that was amazing.” The one who plays, thinks, “you would.” The other, laying on the table … turns over and ignores them, because he’s content with his companion, and embraces her. The fan continues, “how did you do that?” “You saw with your own eyes. I wrestled, he ran.” “But how did you get so strong, and him so fast?” “We were born that way.” “Can I be as strong as you, and as fast as him?” “Perhaps.” “How can I?” The boy who plays, turns away and looks at his companion saying, “this is getting tedious.”

Then he hears the fan yell, and his voice becomes distant. The one who relaxes, doesn’t turn in the direction of the voice just raises his arm into the air and says, “told you he’d be back.” The one who plays, says, “took you long enough.” “My bad, I broke my ankle on the rapids.” He pauses and continues, “why do you have all of these people around?” “I don’t, they came on their own accord. What did you do with the other guy?” “I pushed him somewhere over there”, he nonchalantly points into the distance. He turns to the others, and they jump in fear as he says, “don’t harass them. I’ll answer your questions after I get some rest.”

He says hi to the girls, and then retires to the tent. A few hours later he emerges, and says to the crowd, “you can ask your questions now.” Eagerly they all try to speak at once, and he says, “three people at a time.” He answers all of their questions in depth, until they have nothing left, and they leave. “Did you see a little girl that glows?” “No.” “Oh, I guess she’s still on her journey.” “What happened?” He tells the story, painting the picture of the scene, taking the boy who plays on a mental journey. Then the one who plays in exchange, tells him his story then asks, “what are you going to do now?” “I’m going back.” “Why?” “Because I missed things along the way, as I became preoccupied with others.” “You’re gonna just be distracted again, you should stay.” “Yes, but it won’t be at the same points during the journey. Well, hopefully it’s not.” “And if it is?” “Then I’ll walk it again. Each time, becoming stronger, faster, and more efficient.” “Then after that?” “I’ll walk the right paths, being able to complete them just as quickly because of my increased speed.”

The one who relaxes asks, “why do you walk it?” “Because I want to.” “Why did you help the girl?” “Because I can. Just the same as you decided to keep the girl who didn’t appreciate, company … because you could.” “Okay.” — The five of them sit for a bit, until the girl who was light approaches. She sees the boy who plays with his new companion. She is saddened by this, and so the boy who walks interrupts her state. He asks, “did you have fun?” She says, “yes, I saw so many things, and looked ‘forward’ to seeing more.” “I’m glad.” “Thank you.” The six of them sit, talk, and laugh together. Until, the one who was light says that she has to go home now. They all say bye, and the one who walks sees her off. Before parting ways with her he says, “there will be many moments of pain, but it is important to not allow them to erase the moments of joy. Appreciate both, and everything will be okay. Enjoy the moment, and if you can’t … look forward.” He sees the blood on her dress, and he rips that portion off. She kisses him on the cheek before departing silently.

He approaches the others, and quietly slides the torn portion of dress into the boy who play’s back-right pocket. However, the boy who plays says, “I don’t want this, burn it.” So the boy who walks, takes it, folds it, places it into his own pocket, and says, “I’m off, again.” The girls who were there, want to go also. They became excited about the things they’d see, after hearing the story. So they all walk to the bank, the other two boys … reluctantly. Then as the three of them enter the river, the boy who plays says, “you know you’ll get hurt again.” “Yeah, probably will.” He walks off.

–

A few miles later, one of the girls looks back and asks, “Why aren’t you walking with us?” “Because I did not know if you wanted me to. The two of you set off the bank before me. We’ve been keeping the same pace, and so I have not caught up nor passed.” “Come closer.” “Okay”, and so he does. Then he continues, “I will stay with you until the fork in the river.” “Okay. Can you tell me about the things that I’m seeing?” “Yes, but know that some of it will be scary.” “That’s fine”, and inconsiderately of the other girl he begins to openly speak of the things they see. The one who’s listening attentively, eventually interrupts and asks, “why did try to give him the portion of girl’s dress?” “Because he might have wanted it.”

Back at the bank.

“I hate the way he handles things.” “Understandable.” “Why would he think I’d want the dress of a girl who left me?” “I don’t know.”

“What if he didn’t want it?” “Then he would’ve expressed that.” “But if he wanted it wouldn’t he have expressed that also?” “Possibly not, considering you were with him, and then also because of pride.”

“He wanted me to have it, and so he forced his desires upon me.” “Yes, he did.”

“So then you did it because it would make him happy?” “No, I understood that it might make him sad. I understood that if it remained on her dress then it in a way may have been a brand, one which he might take pride in. However, the tear would still remind her of the point which came before that. I did it simply because it was the only thing that something couldn’t have been done about.” “What do you mean?”

“He swears he knows everything …”

“If he wanted it, but for whatever reason stopped himself … and she left, then nothing could’ve been done about his desire not being met. If he didn’t want it, and I got it, then he would’ve rejected it as he did. Him not wanting it would’ve still been appeased.” “Oh, okay. Then why did you keep it yourself?” “To serve as a reminder of her, What was shared, and my mistake. I understand the mistakes I make, but I do not know where I will err before I do, and so it reminder.” “Why not just forget?” “Do you want to be forgotten? If so, then I shall forget you. However, it is my desire to remember everyone and thing that means something to me.”

“… and he’s so egotistical …”

“Does it hurt to make mistakes?” “At times it can, and if we punish ourselves for it, it can hurt even more.” “Do you punish yourself?” “In ways, yes.” “What do you mean?” “I choose to walk the dark path, knowing well that it may hurt. That can be seen as punishing myself. However, I do not do it because I specifically want the pain. I’m just willing to accept the consequences of my actions. As such, even when I make mistakes, I accept what happened, and do not punish myself for it. I remind myself merely because I do not want to hurt those I perceive to be undeserving.” “Who is deserving?” “Those who cause pain.”

“… and judgmental.”

“Don’t you cause pain?” “Yes, and I experience pain.” “Did the girl who accompanied you deserve the pain you caused her by leaving her?” “…” “Did your brother deserve the pain that you caused him by leaving him?” “Yes.” “Then who doesn’t deserve pain?” “… … … I don’t know. I’d guess anyone who doesn’t experience it.” “So then why don’t you want to cause it? Wouldn’t causing it mean that the person receiving it is deserving of it?” “Yes, and I guess I don’t want to accept the responsibility of hurting those I perceive to not deserve it.” “So you don’t allow yourself to live, you hold back because you’re afraid?” “Yes. Self-induced restraint is usually fear-based.” “Okay”, and as she says that they approach the fork in the river. The little boy for the first time doesn’t know which direction to go.

The little girl says, “Well, while you decide, we’re going this way. Maybe we’ll see each other another time.” “Maybe.” “Thank you for your stories, they were much appreciated.” “And thank you for your perspective, I learned much” … and they fade off onto the horizon as the boy stands there, undecided. A few minutes pass by, when he decides to run back to the bank. Along the way, he sees a group of people on the rapids, struggling to clear them. He remembers the resentment of the girl he helped, and instead asks them if they would like help. They say yes, and so he does … but still they do not appreciate. He continues running, experiencing a few more things along the way … and by time he gets back to the bank he’s out of breath.

The boy who plays says, “damn that was fast.” “I ran.” “Didn’t you miss things?” “No, I didn’t miss anything this time. Everything I missed, was during and before the first time. This time I saw what I was meant to.” “What happened to your teeth?” “Some kid knocked them out.” “Wtf, you lost a fight?” “No, I didn’t fight back.” “So you just let him hit you?” “The same as I just hit others before.” “For no reason?” “No, I hurt him before.” “You know, girls aren’t going to like you with missing teeth.” “Probably not, but that’s okay.” They can hear the splashing sound of footsteps behind them. They turn around, as the girl who glows rushes the boy who walks. “I missed you.” “And I, you. I’m sorry for leaving you.” “It’s okay. You’ve been through much, your smile’s not the same.” “Yeah, do you still want to be with me?” “Of course, silly … I meant that in a good way.” “Oh”, and she kisses him deeply, missing teeth and all.

Then the boy who plays asks, “Are you going to walk the other path now?” “No.” “Then what are you going to do?”

“Play.”

“Okay.”

- Prasand J.