We often delude that it’s possible to evolve with someone who’s different. Yet in actuality, a ‘difference’ is a lack of unity; and due to conflict we individually, internally, grow against that person or because of that person. — Depending on our observation we may find that beautiful, and appreciate being inspired by them. That’s fine; but regardless, we have not grown nor evolved ‘with’ them. That growth is our own progress within ourselves, fostered or contributed by the person who’s different. As such, due to the exposure of something different we have grown as a person, but have not evolved as a person.

To understand evolution, let us imagine a butterfly.

It lives, it flies, it eats, and is eaten. There are millions of similar butterflies doing the same thing, yet none are exactly the same. There are various deformities, like the color of their wings, size, etc. If the habitat of the butterflies is typically yellow, but the butterflies are generally orange, then the butterflies with deformities closer to yellow have a greater chance of survival (camouflage).

With each generation, natural selection (predators) will cause there to be a larger group of butterflies that survive. Each generation will have been pruned to a degree that yellow butterflies will become dominant. The genes will lean to yellow so much (warped redundantly), that it will eventually consistently produce yellow, and orange will be virtually extinct (dormant or recessive gene).

In turn, the predators will require better eyesight, or skill to differentiate the butterflies. Those who have it will eat well (thrive), and those who do not will starve in comparison (ultimately perishing or become extinct); a inverse natural selection. If two predators with good eye-sight reproduce, they too will warp their genes to a degree that those genes will purposely produce offspring with greater eye-sight. If they mate with a predator with poor eye-sight, by chance they may produce an offspring with greater eye-sight; but the probability is lower.

That is evolution.

Evolution is the perpetuation and growth of traits to promote well-being. It is the development of what exists, not the creation of that which doesn’t. As such, by definition when we grow as a person we are de-evolving. This isn’t inherently a “bad” thing, most people prefer to grow as a person. That can be an innate desire, but is usually a learned desire. Regardless, with everything there are pros and cons. If we interact with someone who causes us to diversify ourselves, we become conflicted.

eg. Jane loves fashion.

She drinks it, eats it, sleeps it, breathes it; but she’s dating Harry who hates fashion. Harry is a sports fanatic. Any sport, all sports, if they compete with physical prowess he enjoys it. Jane is completely uninterested in sports, and Harry couldn’t give two shits about fashion. Though because of the lack of unity in the relationship, they decide to expose each other to the variation. After many attempts, and approaches, they finally learn to appreciate each other’s interests.

That is a beautiful thing.

For that’s how we’re taught to perceive it. Besides how we are taught, it’s beautiful in the sense that Jane and Harry loved each other enough to overcome themselves for love. — However, in the duration Jane doesn’t realize that while she’s expanding her horizons she’s belittling the self that existed prior. She may still love fashion, but where she gave 100% of her time to fashion, she now gives 60% of it, and 40% goes to various other things. It’s still a large number, hence why in her eyes she still loves fashion. Yet, the mentality that’s required in order to implement that is: we must perceive that which we once valued, to be some degree less significant than it used to be. In other words, it’s become in some ways insignificant.

That’s the birth of insecurity and doubt in ourselves.

Granted, in actuality insecurity is born the moment we first experience pain (thus at birth), but for the sake of this situation if we didn’t know insecurity prior to that moment, we will have learned it because of that moment. In actuality, that insecurity is just one of the many added to the list throught our existence, and it’s significance / effect on us decreases or increases based on the momentum or weight it gains. — Regardless, in expanding our horizons, we lose our focus, become insecure, and doubt ourselves; but in being focused, we lose our exposure, become complacent, and know nothing but ourselves. Inevitably, the stance we take will have cons as well as pros. In the end, it comes down to preference. What we desire to do is all that matters.

Nonetheless, we can only evolve with someone we are similar, and nature itself through natural selection mandates the importance of that. Only someone with whom we are similar (truly loves us) will support and perpetuate us (thus foster our happiness); and we’ll only know insecurity with someone we are not similar, but they will foster the happiness we are taught to perceive (thus, mental happiness, and not actual). If you care to prove it to yourself, simply try to quantify your happiness. If you can, put actual numbers on it, then it’s because you have something tangible to base those numbers on. As such, if you can’t, it’s intangible and not actual / true happiness.

Since childhood, most of the things we’re taught are in defiance of or reject evolutionary relationships. So we spend our lives applying those things, creating / manipulating ourselves, until we lose sight of ourselves, and then must find ourselves. it’s only when we become tired of the stress, and conflicts, that we seek accordance, and allow us to “be” ourselves. In other words, it is then that the spice of life no longer interests, because the spice comes at a price; and that price is,

ourselves.

- Prasand J.

Do you want to evolve?
It’s not wrong to say, no.

This blog entry is one part of a series of three conversations that I had with my ex Ria Yoshida. The conversation was forwarded (via myspace mail) to others either because I thought they would find it interesting, or because they were going through something similar. That eventually became tedious, so I decided to post it as a blog entry. However, this entry is not meant for public consumption. It is a tailored technique.

Whenever I am guiding, I conform to the person I’m speaking to. Sometimes I’ll be passive, other times forceful. With it being customized, the information contained may serve no purpose to you. On the contrary, if when reading this entry it strikes a chord, resonates, or causes you to reflect / introspect I recommend that you do not read it out of sequence nor consecutively (the conversations are progressive). Give it time to settle before moving onto the next.

The conversations take place within four days. However, adhering to the four days isn’t necessary. Though I do recommend that you read part two no sooner than the day after you read part one, and part three a day after part two (preferrably a few days). Upon completion, if you’d like … I am open to discuss it further. However, at the end of the series there will be links and other relevant information if you desire to pursue it independently. Anyway, I hope you at least enjoy the read. Later.

- Prasand J.

Segment: Worth Defined … Day 3.

Session Start (Prasand J.:Ria Yoshida): Sun Nov 18 18:43:26 2007

[06:43:33 PM] Ria Yoshida: ooble ooble aiiiighba

[06:43:33 PM] *** Auto-response sent to Ria Yoshida: “The search for perfection ends the moment it begins.” -Prasand
[07:17:29 PM] Ria Yoshida: Auto-reply: I am away from my computer.

[07:17:32 PM] Prasand J.: derelict

[08:01:38 PM] Ria Yoshida: I swear I’m not a smoker
[08:01:41 PM] Ria Yoshida: I didn’t just buy another pack of black and miles
[08:01:48 PM] Ria Yoshida: and smoke 5 of them in 3 days
[08:01:50 PM] Ria Yoshida: :x
[08:02:04 PM] Ria Yoshida: *inhale*
[08:02:11 PM] Ria Yoshida: *holds it*
[08:02:13 PM] Prasand J.: lmfao
[08:02:16 PM] Prasand J.: you smoke more than me
[08:02:16 PM] Ria Yoshida: *exhale*
[08:02:21 PM] Ria Yoshida: way too much enjoyment
[08:02:36 PM] Prasand J.: you’re really smoking right now?
[08:02:48 PM] Ria Yoshida: <— obsessive
[08:02:58 PM] Ria Yoshida: not right now… but just did :P
[08:03:05 PM] Prasand J.: lol
[08:03:09 PM] Prasand J.: out the window?
[08:03:16 PM] Ria Yoshida: went for a walk
[08:03:20 PM] Prasand J.: oh k
[08:03:25 PM] Ria Yoshida: had to get some tights for work tomorrow
[08:03:33 PM] Prasand J.: do you ever do it out the window?
[08:03:41 PM] Ria Yoshida: I was dog sitting at my cousins’ in DUMBO
[08:03:50 PM] Ria Yoshida: and did while walking Bandit
[08:04:08 PM] Ria Yoshida: haven’t smoked here except weed
[08:04:11 PM] Ria Yoshida: :P
[08:04:15 PM] Prasand J.: lol
[08:04:20 PM] Ria Yoshida: hung out with Stacy
[08:04:23 PM] Ria Yoshida: she’s cool
[08:04:32 PM] Prasand J.: how cool?
[08:04:32 PM] Ria Yoshida: came over to DUMBO apt
[08:04:41 PM] Ria Yoshida: laid back
[08:04:53 PM] Ria Yoshida: we were both tired from a long day
[08:04:58 PM] Prasand J.: good presence?
[08:04:58 PM] Ria Yoshida: and looked like shit
[08:05:03 PM] Ria Yoshida: as she calls it ‘poo’
[08:05:08 PM] Ria Yoshida: yes
[08:05:13 PM] Prasand J.: nonchalant … good shit @ looked like shit
[08:05:23 PM] Ria Yoshida: uyp
[08:05:26 PM] Ria Yoshida: *yup
[08:05:29 PM] Prasand J.: figured
[08:05:36 PM] Ria Yoshida: shes such a libra though
[08:05:38 PM] Ria Yoshida: lol
[08:05:42 PM] Prasand J.: I mean, figured she would be
[08:05:47 PM] Prasand J.: how so?
[08:06:12 PM] Ria Yoshida: easy going but than gets very particular about things
[08:06:22 PM] Ria Yoshida: lol… it was cute
[08:06:27 PM] Prasand J.: lol, cute
[08:06:28 PM] Prasand J.: yeah
[08:06:40 PM] Ria Yoshida: we’ll be chilling… talking….
[08:06:46 PM] Ria Yoshida: ‘it’s fucking hot in here!’
[08:06:47 PM] Ria Yoshida: lol
[08:06:57 PM] Ria Yoshida: chilling… talking…tv….
[08:07:00 PM] Ria Yoshida: ‘it’s cold!’
[08:07:04 PM] Prasand J.: lmfaooo
[08:07:12 PM] Prasand J.: that reminded me of tiffany for some reason
[08:07:21 PM] Prasand J.: Kristen isn’t like that
[08:07:23 PM] Ria Yoshida: that’s because Tiffany is that way
[08:07:46 PM] Ria Yoshida: lol
[08:08:33 PM] Ria Yoshida: haven’t really hung out with Kristen except for those times with you
[08:08:36 PM] Ria Yoshida: and via text
[08:08:46 PM] Ria Yoshida: but she seems particular about her boyfriend
[08:09:15 PM] Ria Yoshida: like when she was talking to you about him
[08:10:11 PM] Ria Yoshida: and how couldn’t really explain you to him…
[08:10:16 PM] Ria Yoshida: sort of… dunno…
[08:10:38 PM] Ria Yoshida: is she a picky eater?
[08:11:59 PM] Prasand J.: I could’ve sworn yall smoked before
[08:12:04 PM] Prasand J.: I mean when I wasn’t there
[08:12:07 PM] Prasand J.: @ kristen
[08:12:19 PM] Ria Yoshida: we were suppose to link up but it fell through
[08:12:24 PM] Prasand J.: oh blar
[08:12:26 PM] Ria Yoshida: a couple of times… I think
[08:12:40 PM] Prasand J.: and are you asking about being a picky eater @ Kristen?
[08:12:41 PM] Ria Yoshida: like tea…. cook dinner….
[08:12:42 PM] Prasand J.: or Stacy
[08:12:50 PM] Ria Yoshida: kristen
[08:12:54 PM] Prasand J.: I don’t remember
[08:13:00 PM] Ria Yoshida: I already know Stacy’s a picker eater
[08:13:02 PM] Ria Yoshida: lol
[08:13:03 PM] Prasand J.: lollll
[08:13:05 PM] Prasand J.: cute.
[08:13:14 PM] Ria Yoshida: even my japanese grandma
[08:13:18 PM] Ria Yoshida: particulaaaaar
[08:13:23 PM] Ria Yoshida: October 19th
[08:13:24 PM] Prasand J.: so that’s why you were looking for Stacy the other day?
[08:13:31 PM] Prasand J.: cause yall were supposed to link up
[08:13:38 PM] Prasand J.: when you asked me about her email address
[08:13:49 PM] Ria Yoshida: I wrote her back on myspace but the shit kept fucking up
[08:14:03 PM] Ria Yoshida: and just wanted to respond… touch base sort of
[08:14:08 PM] Prasand J.: oh k
[08:14:25 PM] Ria Yoshida: and in it I told her to text me so I could save her number
[08:14:28 PM] Ria Yoshida: and gave her mine
[08:14:36 PM] Ria Yoshida: but than she told me you already gave it to her
[08:14:38 PM] Ria Yoshida: and I was like
[08:14:42 PM] Ria Yoshida: thats’ no surprise
[08:14:46 PM] Prasand J.: lol
[08:14:53 PM] Ria Yoshida: it’s kind of pras’s phone too
[08:15:00 PM] Ria Yoshida: I’m secretary
[08:15:04 PM] Ria Yoshida: :P
[08:15:24 PM] Prasand J.: did you say that or are you saying that now @ adlibbing?
[08:15:33 PM] Ria Yoshida: i said that
[08:15:46 PM] Ria Yoshida: she was lik “…ok’
[08:15:48 PM] Ria Yoshida: lol
[08:16:01 PM] Prasand J.: lol
[08:16:07 PM] Prasand J.: already told her that
[08:16:39 PM] Prasand J.: well not in those words, but broke you down to her in ways
[08:16:47 PM] Prasand J.: and the breakdown came with stories
[08:16:53 PM] Prasand J.: like when I gave her your number
[08:17:00 PM] Prasand J.: I told her that I told you to add her
[08:17:05 PM] Prasand J.: but you may take awhile to do so
[08:17:12 PM] Prasand J.: so she may just want to add you herself
[08:17:15 PM] Prasand J.: instead of waiting
[08:17:26 PM] Prasand J.: then as I started talking about you more
[08:17:35 PM] Prasand J.: I eventually also gave your number in the same convo
[08:17:51 PM] Prasand J.: stating basically that if she’s bold enough she should give you a call
[08:18:39 PM] Prasand J.: I always tell people about the person I’m introducing them to
[08:18:41 PM] Prasand J.: unless
[08:18:48 PM] Prasand J.: it’s someone that has known me for awhile
[08:18:55 PM] Prasand J.: and you
[08:19:03 PM] Prasand J.: considering I never really told you about the person
[08:19:04 PM] Prasand J.: lol
[08:19:18 PM] Prasand J.: always left it to you to figure out
[08:19:45 PM] Prasand J.: so anyway … was the convo good?
[08:20:09 PM] Prasand J.: and … do you intend to link up with her again?
[08:20:26 PM] Prasand J.: oh yeah the dumbo apt … is the dog house?
[08:20:51 PM] Ria Yoshida: yea, convos great… she’s awesome
[08:21:07 PM] Ria Yoshida: just texted me about the gay bar to go to tonight
[08:21:14 PM] Ria Yoshida: but I have to be good for work tomorrow
[08:21:16 PM] Ria Yoshida: :x
[08:21:17 PM] Ria Yoshida: eh
[08:21:20 PM] Prasand J.: lol
[08:21:29 PM] Prasand J.: so that’s a yes @ second question … good
[08:21:50 PM] Prasand J.: well not “good” meant “glad”
[08:22:13 PM] Prasand J.: third question *points*
[08:22:24 PM] Ria Yoshida: I have a new awesome friiiiiend :D
[08:22:31 PM] Ria Yoshida: thatnks P~chyaaaaan
[08:22:37 PM] Prasand J.: lol
[08:22:54 PM] Ria Yoshida: she’s normal to me… and I’m normal to her!
[08:23:00 PM] Ria Yoshida: we’re sooooo abnormal!!
[08:23:09 PM] Prasand J.: [08:20:26 PM] Prasand J.: oh yeah the dumbo apt … is the dog house?
[08:23:13 PM] Prasand J.: smh
[08:23:23 PM] Ria Yoshida: yup
[08:23:27 PM] Prasand J.: k
[08:23:32 PM] Prasand J.: didn’t know if it was another apt
[08:23:35 PM] Ria Yoshida: lol
[08:23:39 PM] Prasand J.: you told her that you have various apts?
[08:23:40 PM] Prasand J.: lol
[08:23:59 PM] Prasand J.: since when did you start calling it by the location?

[08:24:15 PM] Prasand J.: are you texting right now?
[08:24:42 PM] Ria Yoshida: yea
[08:24:53 PM] Ria Yoshida: 1 sec
[08:24:58 PM] Prasand J.: cute, k
[08:25:11 PM] Prasand J.: gonna finish typing to Chantida

[08:27:10 PM] Ria Yoshida: She didn’t really care about apt…. she’s used to houses and thinks NYC is retarded about renting for mucho $
[08:27:11 PM] Ria Yoshida: lol
[08:27:41 PM] Ria Yoshida: Chantida aditnhc oooochika bumbuk wak wok wooooo
[08:27:52 PM] Ria Yoshida: lmao
[08:28:19 PM] Prasand J.: http://a741.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/90/l_d02d3b37c3c2d604f9f82fe7f14afd5c.jpg
[08:28:35 PM] Prasand J.: no way I’m letting another Sinee happen
[08:28:42 PM] Ria Yoshida: lol
[08:28:53 PM] Ria Yoshida: but ooooooooo
[08:28:54 PM] Ria Yoshida: @ pic
[08:29:12 PM] Prasand J.: http://a220.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/88/l_f926ba3697ee0f6c840da550fde78ef3.jpg
[08:29:19 PM] Prasand J.: http://a376.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/66/l_9569d22691fc9969748878d87567813f.jpg
[08:29:26 PM] Prasand J.: http://a232.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/97/l_776d55f7dcab16471c8906b74c6196f7.jpg
[08:30:48 PM] Prasand J.: http://a417.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/34/l_507b55a430888e3675dcec3eee7dcca8.jpg
[08:30:55 PM] Prasand J.: http://a551.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/65/l_b4ecef9d9b34841dfa4fb13191b8fcc6.jpg
[08:31:02 PM] Prasand J.: http://a999.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/28/l_09347171ca354276a6c8e28cf130a82e.jpg
[08:31:04 PM] Ria Yoshida: stacy said hello to you
[08:31:09 PM] Prasand J.: http://a893.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/48/l_5b81c9499734d5e97f232fd65f817efc.jpg
[08:31:17 PM] Prasand J.: http://a937.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/23/l_5bbf02a7d5df54372cf323eb62394238.jpg
[08:31:24 PM] Prasand J.: http://a621.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/30/l_a6b62132ebeda5690119f95cb6e86574.jpg
[08:31:31 PM] Prasand J.: http://a40.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/3/l_fbd1c9c1097b9499d0ce17f2e26d4aef.jpg
[08:31:33 PM] Prasand J.: done
[08:31:36 PM] Prasand J.: that’s all chantida
[08:31:41 PM] Prasand J.: tell her I said hi
[08:31:58 PM] Prasand J.: and that I gave her a thumbsup
[08:32:15 PM] Prasand J.: “he said hi & *thumbsup*”
[08:32:18 PM] Prasand J.: or something like that
[08:32:21 PM] Prasand J.: =P

[08:33:26 PM] Prasand J.: http://a763.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/38/l_3d0e6b867cd6d05fd69c7a8fbdaab6f2.jpg
[08:33:32 PM] Prasand J.: http://a874.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/55/l_ec1f2b2c93ce29cabba7141c5bc35da9.jpg
[08:33:50 PM] Prasand J.: http://a50.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/4/l_bc4f7d5f31154c98ce3a001501f753c1.jpg
[08:33:58 PM] Prasand J.: http://a874.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/55/l_ec1f2b2c93ce29cabba7141c5bc35da9.jpg
[08:34:04 PM] Prasand J.: http://a577.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/61/l_bb9079e12bcbd26ed4e46eae42fb15e8.jpg
[08:34:14 PM] Prasand J.: realized I was sending primarily personality shots
[08:34:19 PM] Prasand J.: she has much range @ work
[08:34:34 PM] Prasand J.: can go from playful, to sexual, to professional

[08:36:10 PM] Ria Yoshida: stacy said: thumbs up? i don’t get it… i’m not that bright lol
[08:36:17 PM] Prasand J.: lol
[08:36:20 PM] Prasand J.: nevermind
[08:36:34 PM] Prasand J.: that was my way of saying “good shit”
[08:36:41 PM] Prasand J.: that yall hit if off well
[08:36:51 PM] Prasand J.: but it’s not that imperative to convey it

[08:37:55 PM] Ria Yoshida: i conveyed… she likes info

[08:38:02 PM] Prasand J.: lol, yeah

[08:41:15 PM] Ria Yoshida: she’s mixed @ chantida
[08:41:17 PM] Ria Yoshida: ?
[08:41:25 PM] Ria Yoshida: prrrrrrrrrretty

[08:44:01 PM] Prasand J.: yes, Thai primarily … but also french, Japanese, and other

[08:45:10 PM] Ria Yoshida: oh those asians love getting busy with the none ones

[08:46:09 PM] Prasand J.: that sentence made no sense
[08:46:19 PM] Prasand J.: I re-read it a few times
[08:46:48 PM] Prasand J.: “the none ones”?

[08:47:57 PM] Ria Yoshida: mixed= asians getting busy with it with the non-asians
[08:47:58 PM] Ria Yoshida: lol
[08:48:17 PM] Prasand J.: k @ non-asian
[08:48:35 PM] Ria Yoshida: ria makes sense to ria
[08:48:37 PM] Ria Yoshida: :D
[08:48:40 PM] Prasand J.: lol
[08:48:49 PM] Ria Yoshida: as you put it…
[08:49:06 PM] Ria Yoshida: ……my mouth wants black and miles :((((((((((((
[08:49:11 PM] Ria Yoshida: ………yuck!
[08:49:17 PM] Prasand J.: lol
[08:49:29 PM] Prasand J.: Tiffany knows you smoke now?
[08:49:34 PM] Ria Yoshida: noooooooooooo
[08:49:37 PM] Prasand J.: lmfao
[08:49:37 PM] Ria Yoshida: she’ll kill me
[08:49:41 PM] Prasand J.: pussy
[08:49:41 PM] Ria Yoshida: !!
[08:49:44 PM] Ria Yoshida: lol
[08:50:01 PM] Ria Yoshida: and i don’t smoke now prasand!
[08:50:09 PM] Ria Yoshida: i just enjoy a cigar… now and than
[08:50:16 PM] Prasand J.: lol
[08:50:47 PM] Prasand J.: have you smoked weed then smoked a black?
[08:51:12 PM] Prasand J.: hrm, does Stacy smoke?
[08:51:58 PM] Ria Yoshida: she quit
[08:52:04 PM] Ria Yoshida: played volleyball through college
[08:52:09 PM] Ria Yoshida: and stopped
[08:52:19 PM] Ria Yoshida: nope @ weed than a black
[08:52:37 PM] Ria Yoshida: but oooooooooo
[08:52:41 PM] Ria Yoshida: lol :P
[08:53:01 PM] Prasand J.: it’ll happen when you smoke weed
[08:53:09 PM] Prasand J.: you’ll crave a more satisfying smoke
[08:53:19 PM] Prasand J.: weed isn’t satisfying but makes one feel good
[08:53:35 PM] Prasand J.: so most people I know that smoke weed
[08:53:37 PM] Prasand J.: and are smokers
[08:53:50 PM] Prasand J.: they either smoke a stoge, or black afterwards (sometimes during)
[08:54:01 PM] Ria Yoshida: yea
[08:54:06 PM] Ria Yoshida: aya does that
[08:54:07 PM] Ria Yoshida: eh
[08:54:12 PM] Prasand J.: lol
[08:54:14 PM] Ria Yoshida: o… i did that in cali
[08:54:15 PM] Ria Yoshida: lol
[08:54:19 PM] Prasand J.: stoge or black?
[08:54:24 PM] Ria Yoshida: on family trip
[08:54:31 PM] Ria Yoshida: had my first *gasp*
[08:54:33 PM] Ria Yoshida: cigarette
[08:54:36 PM] Ria Yoshida: djfhkdjhfkdsjhf
[08:54:39 PM] Prasand J.: =D
[08:54:41 PM] Ria Yoshida: but i was hiiiiiiiigh
[08:54:42 PM] Prasand J.: lollllll
[08:54:42 PM] Ria Yoshida: lol
[08:54:52 PM] Ria Yoshida: i didn’t know what i was doing
[08:54:53 PM] Prasand J.: aya smokes newports?
[08:54:54 PM] Ria Yoshida: ?!?!
[08:55:05 PM] Ria Yoshida: aya smokes all of the above except crack
[08:55:08 PM] Ria Yoshida: i think :x
[08:55:09 PM] Ria Yoshida: lol
[08:55:16 PM] Prasand J.: lol
[08:55:23 PM] Prasand J.: what brand was she smoking?
[08:55:28 PM] Ria Yoshida: nah, aya smokes camels
[08:55:30 PM] Ria Yoshida: i think?
[08:55:34 PM] Prasand J.: wtf
[08:55:42 PM] Prasand J.: yeah she picked that up from her friends in college
[08:55:43 PM] Prasand J.: lol
[08:55:49 PM] Ria Yoshida: the cigarette I had was really thin
[08:55:52 PM] Ria Yoshida: and lady like :)
[08:56:04 PM] Ria Yoshida: it was my mom’s cousin’s crazy wifes’
[08:56:06 PM] Ria Yoshida: lol
[08:56:07 PM] Prasand J.: probably just thin cause you’re used to blacks
[08:56:09 PM] Prasand J.: lol
[08:56:09 PM] Ria Yoshida: jews!
[08:56:11 PM] Prasand J.: oh k
[08:56:23 PM] Ria Yoshida: the slim women cigarettes
[08:56:27 PM] Ria Yoshida: forget the name
[08:56:59 PM] Prasand J.: btw … you remember why she quit
[08:57:01 PM] Prasand J.: =D
[08:57:03 PM] Prasand J.: lol
[08:57:13 PM] Prasand J.: good shit, you were paying attention
[08:57:52 PM] Prasand J.: <— loves living vacariously through the people he cares about
[08:57:54 PM] Prasand J.: for me
[08:57:57 PM] Prasand J.: everything’s redundant
[08:57:59 PM] Prasand J.: but
[08:58:08 PM] Prasand J.: when someone I care about experiences something for the first time
[08:58:11 PM] Prasand J.: I get excited
[08:58:14 PM] Prasand J.: and happy
[08:58:27 PM] Prasand J.: like I’m actually experiencing it for the first time
[08:59:30 PM] Prasand J.: I’m back onto Newports btw
[08:59:39 PM] Prasand J.: I smoke a box a week
[09:00:22 PM] Prasand J.: the number of times a day I smoke is still consistent
[09:00:32 PM] Prasand J.: just haven’t been smoking blacks

[09:03:16 PM] Ria Yoshida: p-chy~n! back on new ports ://////
[09:03:21 PM] Ria Yoshida: lol
[09:03:34 PM] Ria Yoshida: Prasand J.: btw … you remember why she quit
Prasand J.: =D
Prasand J.: lol
Prasand J.: good shit, you were paying attention

[09:03:39 PM] Ria Yoshida: about stacy?
[09:04:57 PM] Prasand J.: yep

[10:20:13 PM] Ria Yoshida: why wouldn’t i remember?
[10:20:41 PM] Prasand J.: because you often have issues with listening
[10:20:57 PM] Prasand J.: hence people having to repeat themselves to you while I was there
[10:21:24 PM] Prasand J.: a person remembers what they find to be important
[10:21:32 PM] Prasand J.: as such, you found listening to her to be important
[10:21:34 PM] Prasand J.: which is cool

[10:23:26 PM] Ria Yoshida: is it an excuse to say when you were here Henry was in my life
[10:23:33 PM] Ria Yoshida: at the for front
[10:23:40 PM] Ria Yoshida: i realize now… a lot
[10:23:49 PM] Ria Yoshida: eve nin talking with Stacy and telling my story
[10:24:03 PM] Ria Yoshida: it was the first time I told my story about Henry in a past tense
[10:24:17 PM] Ria Yoshida: and realized even more as I did
[10:24:43 PM] Ria Yoshida: she and I both agreed how what an idiotic situation it was and thnak god I’m not there!
[10:25:11 PM] Prasand J.: no, not an excuse … the reality
[10:25:27 PM] Prasand J.: the reality is … most people tend to put things on the backburner when they are in a relationship
[10:25:35 PM] Prasand J.: because the person they are in the relationship with
[10:25:42 PM] Prasand J.: becomes their highest priority
[10:25:49 PM] Prasand J.: I believe that’s the way it should be
[10:25:51 PM] Prasand J.: however
[10:25:55 PM] Prasand J.: as a consequence of that
[10:25:59 PM] Prasand J.: their relationships
[10:26:04 PM] Prasand J.: and focus tends to suffer
[10:26:14 PM] Prasand J.: they neglect those they care about in the process
[10:26:19 PM] Prasand J.: as that person becomes their world
[10:26:32 PM] Prasand J.: they expect everyone to still be there
[10:26:39 PM] Prasand J.: but that expectation is a bit unrealistic
[10:26:44 PM] Prasand J.: which is why
[10:26:47 PM] Prasand J.: when the smoke clears
[10:26:52 PM] Prasand J.: people usually aren’t around

[10:27:12 PM] Prasand J.: I mean, it’s not the case for everyone
[10:27:16 PM] Prasand J.: considering some women / men
[10:27:21 PM] Prasand J.: when they get into relationships
[10:27:30 PM] Prasand J.: they use that as an excuse to hang out with their friends
[10:27:31 PM] Prasand J.: even more
[10:28:06 PM] Prasand J.: because they’re trying to escape the tumultuous situation
[10:28:35 PM] Prasand J.: our perceptions of worth and values become skewed
[10:28:39 PM] Prasand J.: and priorities shift
[10:28:49 PM] Prasand J.: as do our motivations
[10:29:08 PM] Prasand J.: people are fickle in that sense
[10:29:12 PM] Prasand J.: their values, also
[10:29:23 PM] Prasand J.: which is why … having a clear perception of worth & values
[10:29:32 PM] Prasand J.: is essential to sorting out one’s life
[10:29:46 PM] Prasand J.: and things don’t fall apart
[10:30:05 PM] Prasand J.: since you have a good grip on reality

[10:30:46 PM] Prasand J.: just because someone we are with becomes a priority
[10:30:52 PM] Prasand J.: doesn’t mean things have to shift
[10:30:55 PM] Prasand J.: see with me
[10:31:02 PM] Prasand J.: it’s always clear in my mind
[10:31:08 PM] Prasand J.: that people are first
[10:31:15 PM] Prasand J.: and that whomever I’m with is 1
[10:31:19 PM] Prasand J.: it’s that way
[10:31:25 PM] Prasand J.: even when I’m not with anyone at all
[10:31:31 PM] Prasand J.: my perception remains exactly the same
[10:31:41 PM] Prasand J.: so when the space is filled
[10:31:44 PM] Prasand J.: nothing moves
[10:31:55 PM] Prasand J.: because that space was being held at all times

[10:32:28 PM] Prasand J.: I don’t neglect others in the process also
[10:32:35 PM] Prasand J.: because the reality is
[10:32:41 PM] Prasand J.: I include the person I’m with in everything I do
[10:32:46 PM] Prasand J.: so I do the same exact shit
[10:32:49 PM] Prasand J.: just “with” them
[10:33:01 PM] Prasand J.: going to see liz? we’re going to see her
[10:33:10 PM] Prasand J.: priorities
[10:33:25 PM] Prasand J.: get them straight and things become much easier
[10:33:35 PM] Prasand J.: but getting them straight is the difficulty
[10:33:41 PM] Prasand J.: because it requires facing oneself
[10:33:48 PM] Prasand J.: and seeing what we really value
[10:33:51 PM] Prasand J.: and what we do not
[10:34:08 PM] Prasand J.: putting things in order
[10:34:16 PM] Prasand J.: and making sure they stay in order
[10:34:34 PM] Prasand J.: but not being so inflexible

[10:34:44 PM] Prasand J.: one can have a good grip on things
[10:34:49 PM] Prasand J.: but still flow like fluid
[10:34:54 PM] Prasand J.: for example
[10:35:02 PM] Prasand J.: you know everyone in my life has a rank
[10:35:07 PM] Prasand J.: a position of priority
[10:35:17 PM] Prasand J.: when you’re in a relationship
[10:35:19 PM] Prasand J.: and as such
[10:35:22 PM] Prasand J.: are in your own world
[10:35:25 PM] Prasand J.: thus neglecting
[10:35:31 PM] Prasand J.: your priority drops, obviously
[10:35:41 PM] Prasand J.: but “until” that moment
[10:35:46 PM] Prasand J.: no one can move you
[10:35:53 PM] Prasand J.: only you can move yourself
[10:36:05 PM] Prasand J.: but I adapt according to life
[10:36:11 PM] Prasand J.: people don’t like to face the reality
[10:36:16 PM] Prasand J.: when I tell them that their rank is lower
[10:36:22 PM] Prasand J.: but it’s the reality

[10:36:29 PM] Prasand J.: furthermore
[10:36:41 PM] Prasand J.: you, like many others
[10:36:48 PM] Prasand J.: also don’t shift things when you should
[10:37:00 PM] Prasand J.: for example
[10:37:07 PM] Prasand J.: Tiffany is ranked high right?
[10:37:27 PM] Prasand J.: but when you have a person who’s more prominent in your life
[10:37:31 PM] Prasand J.: do you shift her?
[10:37:42 PM] Prasand J.: you hold onto yesterday in that sense
[10:37:45 PM] Prasand J.: dreaming
[10:37:56 PM] Prasand J.: reality mandates differently
[10:37:59 PM] Prasand J.: most people are like that
[10:38:05 PM] Prasand J.: when it comes to “best friends” etc
[10:38:11 PM] Prasand J.: no one comes before their best friend
[10:38:16 PM] Prasand J.: even though the “reality” is
[10:38:22 PM] Prasand J.: people are before their best friend

[10:38:45 PM] Prasand J.: when you sort through your priorities
[10:38:50 PM] Prasand J.: your values, and worths
[10:38:56 PM] Prasand J.: you get a better sense of all of those things
[10:39:13 PM] Prasand J.: and are able to apprecaite the moment

[10:39:40 PM] Prasand J.: your values extend to things outside of yourself
[10:39:48 PM] Prasand J.: but your worth begins inside of you
[10:40:11 PM] Prasand J.: the other day I said … that you define your worth
[10:40:22 PM] Prasand J.: but our worth is defined by what we do for others
[10:40:38 PM] Prasand J.: not in those words exactly
[10:40:41 PM] Prasand J.: but that was the gist
[10:40:49 PM] Prasand J.: who you are to the people in your life
[10:40:54 PM] Prasand J.: is a reflection of your worth
[10:41:01 PM] Prasand J.: what you do for them
[10:41:17 PM] Prasand J.: if we do not have a healthy sense of worth
[10:41:26 PM] Prasand J.: we allow ourselves to be in problematic situations
[10:41:42 PM] Prasand J.: because we truly believe we’re not worth anything more than what we allow ourselves to get

[10:42:03 PM] Prasand J.: that in a sense can be confusing because
[10:42:09 PM] Prasand J.: the concept of settling
[10:42:16 PM] Prasand J.: or being content with what we have
[10:42:21 PM] Prasand J.: “can” conflict
[10:42:38 PM] Prasand J.: but all one has to do is apply the logic
[10:42:56 PM] Prasand J.: “just because we are satisfied with things, doesn’t mean they ‘have to’ remain the same”

[10:43:11 PM] Prasand J.: wanting more
[10:43:17 PM] Prasand J.: is the presence of dissatisfaction
[10:43:31 PM] Prasand J.: however, this isn’t about wanting more
[10:43:38 PM] Prasand J.: it’s about facing the reality of our situations
[10:43:44 PM] Prasand J.: some people aren’t meant to mesh well
[10:44:02 PM] Prasand J.: and forcing it to be, can be more problematic than it’s “worth”
[10:44:23 PM] Prasand J.: we put value on things which should not have that value
[10:44:42 PM] Prasand J.: make a man who’s flawed into a god
[10:44:52 PM] Prasand J.: make a woman who’s broken appear whole

[10:45:19 PM] Prasand J.: what are you worth?
[10:45:23 PM] Prasand J.: a rhetorical question
[10:45:33 PM] Prasand J.: what do you do for me?
[10:45:39 PM] Prasand J.: another rhetorical question
[10:46:00 PM] Prasand J.: a lot of the things you do for others are superficial
[10:46:13 PM] Prasand J.: I appreciate everything you do
[10:46:24 PM] Prasand J.: because in many ways I’m a starving man
[10:46:42 PM] Prasand J.: but I am one who appreciates any bit of food I’m given
[10:46:47 PM] Prasand J.: and doesn’t just devour it

[10:47:02 PM] Prasand J.: I KNOW your worth
[10:47:06 PM] Prasand J.: but, do you?
[10:47:28 PM] Prasand J.: do you know mine?
[10:47:36 PM] Prasand J.: do you know Stacy’s?
[10:47:40 PM] Prasand J.: have you given her value
[10:47:42 PM] Prasand J.: importance
[10:47:47 PM] Prasand J.: is she worth nothing?

[10:47:59 PM] Prasand J.: understand your worth
[10:48:05 PM] Prasand J.: and you understand your values
[10:48:25 PM] Prasand J.: because what you are worth is a direct reflection of what “you” truly find to be important
[10:48:28 PM] Prasand J.: and as such
[10:48:37 PM] Prasand J.: will reflect the value of each person you interact with
[10:48:58 PM] Prasand J.: but, what do you do for others?
[10:49:11 PM] Prasand J.: and how much do you value those things?
[10:49:17 PM] Prasand J.: how important are they to you?

[10:49:43 PM] Prasand J.: how important are the things which are done for you?
[10:49:47 PM] Prasand J.: that answer
[10:49:53 PM] Prasand J.: will reflect or may reflect
[10:49:57 PM] Prasand J.: your lack of worth
[10:50:06 PM] Prasand J.: because if you value the things which are done for you
[10:50:11 PM] Prasand J.: above all other things done for you
[10:50:19 PM] Prasand J.: and “you” do not do those things you value
[10:50:20 PM] Prasand J.: then
[10:50:23 PM] Prasand J.: you are worthless

[10:50:56 PM] Prasand J.: but just because you are worthless
[10:51:02 PM] Prasand J.: doesn’t mean you have to remain that way
[10:51:04 PM] Prasand J.: as such
[10:51:08 PM] Prasand J.: “if” that is the case
[10:51:14 PM] Prasand J.: prioritize your life
[10:51:24 PM] Prasand J.: and adjust things to being the way it should be
[10:51:32 PM] Prasand J.: and do not sway
[10:51:36 PM] Prasand J.: do not falter
[10:51:42 PM] Prasand J.: regardless of what you go through
[10:51:45 PM] Prasand J.: or experience
[10:51:51 PM] Prasand J.: if “trust” is important to you
[10:51:55 PM] Prasand J.: then nothing in life
[10:52:02 PM] Prasand J.: can or should ever break your trust
[10:52:10 PM] Prasand J.: even if the rest of the world is lying to you

[10:52:30 PM] Prasand J.: and value those who trust you
[10:52:45 PM] Prasand J.: because
[10:52:50 PM] Prasand J.: they give you the world.

[10:54:10 PM] Prasand J.: I told Stacy that this was going to be our next conversation.
[10:54:21 PM] Prasand J.: a few days ago I think
[10:54:57 PM] Prasand J.: I told her I might make you cry in the process.
[10:55:20 PM] Ria Yoshida: lol
[10:55:30 PM] Prasand J.: cause I intended to be much more harsh about it
[10:55:40 PM] Ria Yoshida: smack me prasand
[10:55:49 PM] Prasand J.: lol, you masochist
[10:55:56 PM] Ria Yoshida: lol… seriously
[10:56:05 PM] Ria Yoshida: i’m tired of my shit
[10:56:12 PM] Ria Yoshida: and keep doing the shit
[10:56:36 PM] Prasand J.: it’s what happens when one doesn’t have a clear perception of their worth and values
[10:56:45 PM] Prasand J.: the only way to truly see one’s worth and values
[10:56:51 PM] Prasand J.: is to look at reality
[10:57:00 PM] Prasand J.: but one must be able to see reality
[10:57:14 PM] Prasand J.: which is why the perception of reality has a higher priority
[10:57:23 PM] Prasand J.: being able to accept yourself without ridicule
[10:57:34 PM] Prasand J.: because if you’re busy judging yourself negatively
[10:57:37 PM] Prasand J.: for the things you see
[10:57:45 PM] Prasand J.: then you’re not really accepting them
[10:57:48 PM] Prasand J.: and as such
[10:57:52 PM] Prasand J.: do not truly see them

[10:58:09 PM] Prasand J.: can’t sort through shit with blind eyes
[10:58:12 PM] Prasand J.: well I mean, you can
[10:58:17 PM] Prasand J.: but you’ll end up with a mess
[10:58:24 PM] Prasand J.: unless, you’re lucky

[10:58:39 PM] Prasand J.: take control of your life, your perception
[10:58:46 PM] Prasand J.: and then
[10:58:51 PM] Prasand J.: allow things to be
[10:58:55 PM] Prasand J.: and fall into place naturally
[10:58:57 PM] Prasand J.: oh yeah
[10:59:01 PM] Prasand J.: that reminds me
[10:59:10 PM] Prasand J.: you asked when does intuition come into play
[10:59:20 PM] Prasand J.: intuition comes into play when you’re able to trust yourself
[10:59:26 PM] Prasand J.: you’re only able to trust yourself
[10:59:31 PM] Prasand J.: when you have your shit straight
[10:59:41 PM] Prasand J.: it is then
[10:59:47 PM] Prasand J.: that you’ll trust your instincts
[10:59:50 PM] Prasand J.: what you feel, etc

[11:00:11 PM] Ria Yoshida: baby step… what is worth? value?
[11:00:18 PM] Ria Yoshida: who am ‘I’?
[11:00:33 PM] Prasand J.: who am I is a bit difficult to answer
[11:00:41 PM] Prasand J.: that’s not really a baby step
[11:00:53 PM] Prasand J.: for our identity is a reflection of the things we do, and perceive
[11:00:55 PM] Prasand J.: as well as
[11:01:02 PM] Prasand J.: how others perceive us
[11:01:16 PM] Prasand J.: you’ll carve who you are as you sort through things
[11:01:31 PM] Prasand J.: and people will perceive that sculpture clearly
[11:01:47 PM] Prasand J.: for example
[11:01:59 PM] Prasand J.: my presence and reputation precedes me
[11:02:16 PM] Prasand J.: even strangers get a sense of who I am
[11:02:21 PM] Prasand J.: and are either
[11:02:28 PM] Prasand J.: know they can trust me
[11:02:31 PM] Prasand J.: or know to fear me

[11:02:53 PM] Prasand J.: but the irony is
[11:02:59 PM] Prasand J.: after all of the searching and sorting
[11:03:08 PM] Prasand J.: in the end, you’ll be left with everything … and nothing
[11:03:20 PM] Prasand J.: for once you find who you are
[11:03:23 PM] Prasand J.: you’ll realize
[11:03:28 PM] Prasand J.: who you are isn’t that important
[11:03:36 PM] Prasand J.: what is important is
[11:03:40 PM] Prasand J.: who you are to others

[11:04:00 PM] Prasand J.: it is then
[11:04:09 PM] Prasand J.: that you won’t find the need
[11:04:16 PM] Prasand J.: to find worth in “having a job”
[11:04:24 PM] Prasand J.: or the superficial things in life
[11:04:28 PM] Prasand J.: but it is then
[11:04:41 PM] Prasand J.: that you become wreckless, with a realistic perception
[11:04:44 PM] Prasand J.: and as such
[11:04:52 PM] Prasand J.: “can” become more successful
[11:05:00 PM] Prasand J.: should you deem that’s what you want
[11:05:02 PM] Prasand J.: idly
[11:05:26 PM] Prasand J.: “ehhh, I’m bored … let me start a company”
[11:05:39 PM] Prasand J.: well not “boredom” per se
[11:05:42 PM] Prasand J.: but rather I mean
[11:05:59 PM] Prasand J.: it won’t be in the typical “because this will make or break my life” perceptions people have

[11:06:25 PM] Prasand J.: there are two kinds of successful people in the world
[11:06:31 PM] Prasand J.: those who are lucky / fortunate
[11:06:38 PM] Prasand J.: and those who are able to control reality
[11:06:46 PM] Prasand J.: to work in accordance with reality

[11:07:12 PM] Prasand J.: but understand success is what you perceive to be successful
[11:07:22 PM] Prasand J.: hence why I’m rich
[11:07:41 PM] Prasand J.: and find no need to achieve the myriads of things
[11:07:44 PM] Prasand J.: people subject me to
[11:08:12 PM] Prasand J.: I “can” but I simply don’t want to
[11:08:22 PM] Prasand J.: for me to make a million is easy
[11:08:28 PM] Prasand J.: seriously, easy
[11:08:44 PM] Prasand J.: you’ve seen the types of things I do
[11:08:55 PM] Prasand J.: you and everyone else who seen me move, knows it
[11:09:03 PM] Prasand J.: which is why they can’t understand
[11:09:07 PM] Prasand J.: “then why doesn’t he do it?”
[11:09:24 PM] Prasand J.: that the answer is
[11:09:34 PM] Prasand J.: “because I’m not discontent like you.”
[11:10:02 PM] Prasand J.: I have my values and priorities straight
[11:10:10 PM] Prasand J.: it’s just my priorities are not yours
[11:10:14 PM] Prasand J.: and vice-versa
[11:10:19 PM] Prasand J.: find “your” preferences
[11:10:22 PM] Prasand J.: for yourself
[11:10:39 PM] Prasand J.: I cannot define them for you, just give you the guidelines or direction

[11:13:47 PM] Ria Yoshida: :)

[11:16:08 PM] Prasand J.: finding who you are, will help you be better able to overcome your ego
[11:16:15 PM] Prasand J.: ironic that carving the individual
[11:16:16 PM] Prasand J.: truly
[11:16:21 PM] Prasand J.: thoroughly
[11:16:28 PM] Prasand J.: promotes, unity
[11:16:42 PM] Prasand J.: or rather helps one able to see clearly where to let go of themselves

[11:17:57 PM] Prasand J.: everyone in my life has a clear / distinct value … and I use everyone for exactly what they are worth
[11:18:08 PM] Prasand J.: for example
[11:18:10 PM] Prasand J.: I use you
[11:18:18 PM] Prasand J.: I used Stacy
[11:18:27 PM] Prasand J.: but what is she worth
[11:18:31 PM] Prasand J.: what were you worth in that?
[11:18:37 PM] Prasand J.: what was your value?
[11:18:39 PM] Prasand J.: your role
[11:18:45 PM] Prasand J.: what was I seeing that you didn’t?
[11:19:01 PM] Prasand J.: how could I fathom the potential of that interaction?
[11:19:12 PM] Prasand J.: was it purely intuitive?
[11:19:40 PM] Prasand J.: if it was, then I wouldn’t have laid everything out to stacy before it even happened
[11:20:27 PM] Prasand J.: people don’t like to be used
[11:20:31 PM] Prasand J.: but the fact is
[11:20:35 PM] Prasand J.: everyone has a purpose in life
[11:20:42 PM] Prasand J.: and are used in one way or another
[11:20:49 PM] Prasand J.: know each person’s purpose
[11:20:58 PM] Prasand J.: and do not use them for more than they are worth
[11:21:01 PM] Prasand J.: for example
[11:21:08 PM] Prasand J.: the fuck buddy that you want to be a boyfriend
[11:21:12 PM] Prasand J.: is where you fuck up
[11:21:25 PM] Prasand J.: putting people in roles they weren’t meant to be in
[11:21:30 PM] Prasand J.: and then when reality hits
[11:21:38 PM] Prasand J.: shit happens which was unexpected
[11:21:42 PM] Prasand J.: and you’re hurt
[11:21:46 PM] Prasand J.: distraught, etc
[11:22:00 PM] Prasand J.: I told you Henry’s worth long before I ever even met him
[11:22:04 PM] Prasand J.: however
[11:22:10 PM] Prasand J.: you found out another worth
[11:22:12 PM] Prasand J.: value
[11:22:19 PM] Prasand J.: appreciate things that happen
[11:22:30 PM] Prasand J.: for even though you put him into a role he shouldn’t have been in
[11:22:36 PM] Prasand J.: you learned from it
[11:22:41 PM] Prasand J.: he taught you much
[11:22:51 PM] Prasand J.: and to “me” that has value <br>[11:22:55 PM] Prasand J.: but does it to you?
[11:22:59 PM] Prasand J.: can you appreciate him?
[11:23:08 PM] Prasand J.: or is he only a fuck up
[11:23:16 PM] Prasand J.: is he only a cat with issues
[11:23:19 PM] Prasand J.: and a liar?
[11:23:31 PM] Prasand J.: you’re the one who fucked up
[11:23:38 PM] Prasand J.: accept that fact
[11:23:43 PM] Prasand J.: and don’t belittle him

[11:23:56 PM] Prasand J.: but it’s natural
[11:24:06 PM] Prasand J.: that after boosting him up to levels he shouldn’t have been at
[11:24:12 PM] Prasand J.: that when reality kicked in
[11:24:19 PM] Prasand J.: you ended up looking down upon him
[11:24:29 PM] Prasand J.: since you were at a level higher than you should’ve been with him
[11:24:41 PM] Prasand J.: that when you perceived where he “really” was
[11:24:46 PM] Prasand J.: it was like woah

[11:25:07 PM] Prasand J.: bring yourself down more easilly
[11:25:12 PM] Prasand J.: appreciate him
[11:25:27 PM] Prasand J.: and your perception of him will descend in a non-destructive manner
[11:25:37 PM] Prasand J.: otherwise
[11:25:43 PM] Prasand J.: you’ll allow your mistakes to break you
[11:26:11 PM] Prasand J.: for those mistakes will become part of your perception of “self” worth
[11:26:36 PM] Prasand J.: there’s no need for conceited perspectives such as
[11:26:40 PM] Prasand J.: “I’m worth more than that”
[11:26:45 PM] Prasand J.: why say it?
[11:26:49 PM] Prasand J.: prove it
[11:26:51 PM] Prasand J.: reflect it
[11:26:54 PM] Prasand J.: fuck talking about it
[11:26:59 PM] Prasand J.: be it

[11:27:33 PM] Prasand J.: people only say shit like that to make themselves feel better
[11:27:36 PM] Prasand J.: because they need to hear it
[11:27:42 PM] Prasand J.: since they “truly” think otherwise
[11:28:00 PM] Prasand J.: if you’re broken, fix yourself
[11:28:11 PM] Prasand J.: or accept your broken parts
[11:28:25 PM] Prasand J.: and you’ll still fix yourself
[11:28:28 PM] Prasand J.: ironically.

[11:29:16 PM] Prasand J.: if you’re trying to find your self worth
[11:29:19 PM] Prasand J.: ask yourself
[11:29:28 PM] Prasand J.: what do I do for others? who am I to others?
[11:29:35 PM] Prasand J.: what is my role?
[11:29:40 PM] Prasand J.: what is my purpose in life?
[11:29:45 PM] Prasand J.: or
[11:29:50 PM] Prasand J.: and / or … rather
[11:29:59 PM] Prasand J.: who are they to me?
[11:30:04 PM] Prasand J.: What do they do for me?
[11:30:10 PM] Prasand J.: Who are they to others?
[11:30:15 PM] Prasand J.: what is their purpose in life?
[11:30:22 PM] Prasand J.: is what they do for me important?
[11:30:27 PM] Prasand J.: how important is it to me?”
[11:30:37 PM] Prasand J.: can I be without it, truly?”
[11:30:49 PM] Prasand J.: if it’s very important to you
[11:30:56 PM] Prasand J.: and you see that you do not do the same for others
[11:31:04 PM] Prasand J.: then that is a reflection of worthlessness
[11:31:16 PM] Prasand J.: do that which you ask of others
[11:31:33 PM] Prasand J.: golden rule: do unto others as you would have them do unto you
[11:31:48 PM] Prasand J.: most people have no clue that, the rule if lived by carves values and worth
[11:32:09 PM] Prasand J.: it’s a rule I’ve always lived by
[11:32:18 PM] Prasand J.: to treat others the way I’d like to be treated
[11:32:38 PM] Prasand J.: to never ask for what I’m not willing to give in return
[11:32:55 PM] Prasand J.: because the things others do for us
[11:32:59 PM] Prasand J.: that we allow them to
[11:33:03 PM] Prasand J.: that we value
[11:33:12 PM] Prasand J.: we in a sense ask for those things
[11:33:19 PM] Prasand J.: just not verbally

[11:33:31 PM] Prasand J.: if someone takes care of you
[11:33:38 PM] Prasand J.: even if you don’t ask them to
[11:33:41 PM] Prasand J.: and you allow them to
[11:33:45 PM] Prasand J.: it’s because you want it
[11:33:54 PM] Prasand J.: you simply got something you didn’t “have to” ask for

[11:34:44 PM] Prasand J.: oh btw, get this straight
[11:34:51 PM] Prasand J.: one of those questions may invoke your ego
[11:34:54 PM] Prasand J.: and arrogance
[11:35:03 PM] Prasand J.: [11:30:37 PM] Prasand J.: can I be without it, truly?
[11:35:20 PM] Prasand J.: you may think, “yeah I don’t really need that”
[11:35:25 PM] Prasand J.: like for example
[11:35:32 PM] Prasand J.: “someone to talk to”
[11:35:45 PM] Prasand J.: “helps pay the rent”
[11:35:49 PM] Prasand J.: may invoke shit like
[11:36:08 PM] Prasand J.: “if I really wanted to do it, I don’t really need them to … I’ll be fine by myself if I get serious”

[11:36:11 PM] Prasand J.: bullshit
[11:36:13 PM] Prasand J.: straight up
[11:36:14 PM] Prasand J.: bullshit
[11:36:24 PM] Prasand J.: that’s ego
[11:36:30 PM] Prasand J.: the division created by it
[11:36:38 PM] Prasand J.: you are not an island unto yourself
[11:36:55 PM] Prasand J.: face the reality that you do need it
[11:36:58 PM] Prasand J.: or else
[11:37:02 PM] Prasand J.: you wouldn’t be getting it
[11:37:23 PM] Prasand J.: the question wasn’t really about “do I need it”
[11:37:28 PM] Prasand J.: it’s a reflection of value
[11:37:48 PM] Prasand J.: the more essential something is
[11:37:55 PM] Prasand J.: the more important it should be

[11:38:20 PM] Prasand J.: it’s a question that truly gets applied when we start building our values
[11:39:00 PM] Prasand J.: maybe you should just omit that question entirely
[11:39:28 PM] Prasand J.: ask it only if you can not be egotistical about it
[11:40:09 PM] Prasand J.: there is something you consistently do for others
[11:40:11 PM] Prasand J.: find it
[11:40:16 PM] Prasand J.: and see your role.
[11:41:02 PM] Prasand J.: I’m done.

[11:43:17 PM] Prasand J.: oh yeah, another thing I forgot @ value is
[11:43:31 PM] Prasand J.: “what am I willing to pay for that?”
[11:43:51 PM] Prasand J.: how much of ourselves we’re willing to give up for it
[11:44:01 PM] Prasand J.: is a reflection of how much we value it
[11:44:08 PM] Prasand J.: somewhere in there
[11:44:21 PM] Prasand J.: there will be conflicting value & worth
[11:44:28 PM] Prasand J.: aka
[11:44:32 PM] Prasand J.: some things
[11:44:39 PM] Prasand J.: you’ll find to be worth a hell of a lot
[11:44:45 PM] Prasand J.: but you’ll notice that in the past
[11:44:47 PM] Prasand J.: or now
[11:44:50 PM] Prasand J.: as you think about it
[11:44:57 PM] Prasand J.: you’re not willing to pay as much as it’s worth
[11:45:01 PM] Prasand J.: in that case
[11:45:07 PM] Prasand J.: either it really isn’t worth that much
[11:45:09 PM] Prasand J.: or
[11:45:19 PM] Prasand J.: your fear is not allowing you to pay the full value
[11:45:30 PM] Prasand J.: learn to pay what’s earned
[11:46:03 PM] Prasand J.: if something is worth everything, then be willing to pay for it by giving everything
[11:46:17 PM] Prasand J.: find the resolve
[11:46:28 PM] Prasand J.: and you’ll never regret anything

[11:46:53 PM] Prasand J.: oh yeah, that’s another benefit of sorting through your values
[11:47:08 PM] Prasand J.: you’ll never have any regrets if they are in order
[11:47:26 PM] Prasand J.: blar … gone.

Session Close (Ria Yoshida): Sun Nov 18 23:47:32 2007

My closing thoughts to you and anyone who reads this mail is … what is your time worth? Your love and affections? If you are worth something, should you spend yourself carelessly? Giving yourself, time, and priority to just any random person or one who’s not worth it to you? That doesn’t mean “be careful”, paranoia just hurts you. When one finds security they know the difference. If someone is worth something, why aren’t you spending? Just the same as, if you’re worth so much that you never spend yourself … either something’s broken with your perception, or you have a hell of a lot of worthless people in your life. Straighten it out, and upgrade your environment.

This may be the last convo.

Think about it for a bit, re-read it if you must. If you have questions, doubts, insecurities about it … ask / tell me. I’ll sort it through with you, if you deem me worthy … of you.

- Prasand J.

After having these conversations with Ria. I later found out that much of what I was depicting were stages in the Noble Eightfold Path as well as parts of the Four Noble Truths. So if you’d like to continue with it in depth, those may be potential starting points.

This blog entry is one part of a series of three conversations that I had with my ex Ria Yoshida. The conversation was forwarded (via myspace mail) to others either because I thought they would find it interesting, or because they were going through something similar. That eventually became tedious, so I decided to post it as a blog entry. However, this entry is not meant for public consumption. It is a tailored technique.

Whenever I am guiding, I conform to the person I’m speaking to. Sometimes I’ll be passive, other times forceful. With it being customized, the information contained may serve no purpose to you. On the contrary, if when reading this entry it strikes a chord, resonates, or causes you to reflect / introspect I recommend that you do not read it out of sequence nor consecutively (the conversations are progressive). Give it time to settle before moving onto the next.

The conversations take place within four days. However, adhering to the four days isn’t necessary. Though I do recommend that you read part two no sooner than the day after you read part one, and part three a day after part two (preferrably a few days). Upon completion, if you’d like … I am open to discuss it further. However, at the end of the series there will be links and other relevant information if you desire to pursue it independently. Anyway, I hope you at least enjoy the read. Later.

- Prasand J.

Segment: Security Applied … Day 2.

Session Start (Prasand J.:Ria Yoshida): Wed Nov 14 18:58:54 2007

[06:58:55 PM] Ria Yoshida: hi

[06:58:55 PM] *** Auto-response sent to Ria Yoshida: “The search for perfection ends the moment it begins.” -Prasand

[06:59:07 PM] Ria Yoshida: it’s good to be home :)
[06:59:25 PM] Ria Yoshida: I’m used to always doing something.. going somewhere… seeing someone…
[06:59:39 PM] Ria Yoshida: but just coming home… alone…
[06:59:44 PM] Ria Yoshida: interesting :)
[06:59:49 PM] Ria Yoshida: and quite relaxing
[07:00:24 PM] Ria Yoshida: though I was a bit anxious on the train… feeling like someones about to call me and I’m missing out or somehting…o_O
[07:00:30 PM] Ria Yoshida: O_o
[07:00:48 PM] Ria Yoshida: hrm.. thta’s not coming up as a face… lol
[07:01:03 PM] Ria Yoshida: you the one where the eye balls are moving or ones bigger than the other
[07:01:07 PM] Ria Yoshida: my favorite :D
[07:01:28 PM] Ria Yoshida: I just signed papers today for my job
[07:01:34 PM] Ria Yoshida: so it’s officiiiiiiiaaaaaaal
[07:01:35 PM] Ria Yoshida: lol
[07:01:59 PM] Ria Yoshida: I started last week Tuesday… I’ve never worked in a place for over a week without them knowing my SS
[07:02:05 PM] Ria Yoshida: or if I’m legal lol
[07:02:19 PM] Ria Yoshida: ….I don’t even know hoe much I’m getting paid
[07:02:20 PM] Ria Yoshida: lol
[07:02:36 PM] Ria Yoshida: I know the ball park but not the official :P
[07:02:59 PM] Ria Yoshida: ah well… I’ve calculated that if I can bring home at leaste 20,000 a year after taxes I’m good
[07:03:08 PM] Ria Yoshida: and know I’ll be making more than that so….
[07:03:27 PM] Ria Yoshida: blu ble blah bla
[07:04:41 PM] Ria Yoshida: I heated up some canned soup and wasn’t happy with the original flavor so added seasoning and it came out very spicy :X
[07:04:47 PM] Ria Yoshida: my assholes gonna burn
[07:04:57 PM] Ria Yoshida: yes, that was very important information for yo uto know!
[07:04:59 PM] Ria Yoshida: :D

[12:19:39 AM] Prasand J.: lol, derelict
[12:19:46 AM] Ria Yoshida: :D
[12:20:24 AM] Ria Yoshida: is [name removed] back open? have you hear about/from your mom?
[12:20:37 AM] Ria Yoshida: i left her message
[12:20:42 AM] Prasand J.: no, I haven’t.
[12:20:42 AM] Ria Yoshida: will prob try her again
[12:20:54 AM] Ria Yoshida: :/
[12:21:05 AM] Prasand J.: she’s coming here on sunday
[12:21:29 AM] Ria Yoshida: :)
[12:21:31 AM] Ria Yoshida: again?
[12:21:32 AM] Ria Yoshida: cool
[12:22:11 AM] Prasand J.: yeah, probably to see Diedra or however you spell her name
[12:22:48 AM] Ria Yoshida: ah
[12:22:58 AM] Ria Yoshida: she lives in NC :)
[12:23:00 AM] Ria Yoshida: right right
[12:23:23 AM] Ria Yoshida: ran into Biggums and thus contacted your mom
[12:23:29 AM] Ria Yoshida: awwwwww
[12:23:33 AM] Ria Yoshida: :P
[12:23:38 AM] Prasand J.: lol
[12:23:50 AM] Ria Yoshida: i love sappy romatic stories
[12:23:55 AM] Ria Yoshida: i watched
[12:24:00 AM] Ria Yoshida: tristan and isolde
[12:24:05 AM] Ria Yoshida: recently for the first time
[12:24:11 AM] Ria Yoshida: that movie just pissed me off
[12:24:25 AM] Ria Yoshida: fuck a romeo and juliet and tristan and isolde
[12:24:27 AM] Ria Yoshida: eh
[12:24:36 AM] Prasand J.: lol
[12:24:43 AM] Prasand J.: I don’t even remember what happened in that movie
[12:24:46 AM] Prasand J.: I’ve seen it though
[12:25:10 AM] Ria Yoshida: tristan wins his love isolde unknowingly for his king
[12:25:21 AM] Prasand J.: oh that reminds me … in your movies folder, there should be a “movies.txt” file
[12:25:21 AM] Ria Yoshida: who raised him like a son
[12:25:24 AM] Prasand J.: send me that
[12:25:42 AM] Prasand J.: just drag it onto the IM and it should send
[12:25:56 AM] Ria Yoshida: k

[12:27:13 AM] Prasand J.: odd
[12:27:23 AM] Prasand J.: open the file, copy and paste the contents into the IM
[12:27:30 AM] Ria Yoshida: k
[12:27:45 AM] Ria Yoshida: Evan Almighty – 09/22-07
Georgia Rules – 09/22-07
Superman / Doomsday – 09/22-07
Doctor Strange – The Sorcerer Supreme – 09/23-07
Live Free or Die Hard 4 – 09/23-07
I Think I Love My Wife – 09/23-07
Species The Awakening – 09/23-07
Stardust – 09/24-07
The Holiday – 09/24-07
Stranger Than Fiction – 09/27-07
Sunshine – 09/28-07
Crank – 09/29-07
Gridiron Gang – 10/01-07
The Transporter – 10/04-07
Cashback
Full of It
Reign Over Me

[12:27:55 AM] Prasand J.: k, thank you
[12:28:00 AM] Ria Yoshida: your selcome
[12:28:06 AM] Ria Yoshida: *welsome
[12:28:10 AM] Ria Yoshida: lol
[12:28:15 AM] Prasand J.: lol
[12:28:15 AM] Ria Yoshida: *welcome
[12:28:28 AM] Ria Yoshida: i’m computer dislexic
[12:28:36 AM] Ria Yoshida: dyslexic
[12:29:03 AM] Ria Yoshida: i was secure today in my healthyness
[12:29:09 AM] Ria Yoshida: that i ate dunkin donuts
[12:29:10 AM] Ria Yoshida: lol
[12:29:11 AM] Ria Yoshida: :P
[12:29:23 AM] Ria Yoshida: Kein had spoiled me last night with some munchkins
[12:29:32 AM] Ria Yoshida: and had some left oevr today… la la laaaaa
[12:30:01 AM] Prasand J.: lol, cute
[12:30:21 AM] Prasand J.: I have to email him, to let him know about the status of the project
[12:30:26 AM] Prasand J.: kinda left him hanging on that
[12:30:30 AM] Ria Yoshida: :)
[12:30:48 AM] Ria Yoshida: he just started an internship and has lots of school work
[12:30:52 AM] Ria Yoshida: but surely email him
[12:31:02 AM] Ria Yoshida: he’ll let you know if he already has too much on his plate
[12:31:06 AM] Ria Yoshida: i guess
[12:31:11 AM] Prasand J.: where is he interning, doing?
[12:31:22 AM] Ria Yoshida: with a company called [name removed]
[12:31:28 AM] Ria Yoshida: or however its spelled
[12:31:31 AM] Ria Yoshida: its paid
[12:31:47 AM] Ria Yoshida: good for him…. it’s a
[12:31:52 AM] Ria Yoshida: …..he told me
[12:31:53 AM] Ria Yoshida: lol
[12:32:22 AM] Ria Yoshida: it’s not an advertising firm cause I know he interviewed with the mand really wanted that one
[12:32:35 AM] Ria Yoshida: this one is graphics related
[12:32:43 AM] Ria Yoshida: i dunno for sure :P
[12:32:52 AM] Prasand J.: cool.
[12:32:55 AM] Ria Yoshida: he said he wouldn’t wan to work there
[12:33:00 AM] Ria Yoshida: *want
[12:33:17 AM] Ria Yoshida: just temporary but appreciates it so he knows what not to look for in a job
[12:33:20 AM] Ria Yoshida: very important
[12:33:36 AM] Ria Yoshida: :)

[12:34:48 AM] Ria Yoshida: question…
[12:35:09 AM] Ria Yoshida: the way to change things abotu myself
[12:35:22 AM] Ria Yoshida: is first accepting and comming to terms with them
[12:35:40 AM] Ria Yoshida: and finding that ‘balance’
[12:35:54 AM] Ria Yoshida: than grow into something of a preference
[12:36:00 AM] Ria Yoshida: not really ‘change’ per se
[12:36:02 AM] Ria Yoshida: ?
[12:36:04 AM] Prasand J.: just because we accept something, doesn’t mean it has to remain the same
[12:36:09 AM] Prasand J.: it is change
[12:36:16 AM] Ria Yoshida: :)
[12:36:18 AM] Prasand J.: it’s just that the reason for change is different
[12:36:32 AM] Prasand J.: before we would’ve changed due to ridicule
[12:36:45 AM] Prasand J.: but after acceptance … change is due to idle desires
[12:37:58 AM] Ria Yoshida: :)

[12:38:15 AM] Ria Yoshida: i get what you mean by idle desire… but can desire really be idle?
[12:38:23 AM] Ria Yoshida: lol… it’s kind of contradicting
[12:38:32 AM] Prasand J.: yes
[12:38:41 AM] Prasand J.: the difference in the type of desire is
[12:38:48 AM] Ria Yoshida: it means still desire…?
[12:38:48 AM] Prasand J.: in one case we find the desire to be important
[12:39:09 AM] Prasand J.: but in the latter it’s not that it’s important, it’s just something we want to do in that moment
[12:39:13 AM] Prasand J.: that isn’t to say
[12:39:17 AM] Prasand J.: that even after seeing the truth
[12:39:31 AM] Prasand J.: there aren’t some changes you won’t find to be important
[12:39:33 AM] Prasand J.: for example
[12:39:39 AM] Prasand J.: with me accepting the fact that I’m a fighter
[12:39:46 AM] Prasand J.: I still felt it was important for me to love
[12:39:51 AM] Prasand J.: and change myself in that regard
[12:39:57 AM] Prasand J.: but with acceptance
[12:40:05 AM] Prasand J.: the number of important changes we have or desire to make
[12:40:11 AM] Prasand J.: becomes significantly smaller
[12:40:19 AM] Prasand J.: and we can focus on those things more readily

[12:42:18 AM] Prasand J.: “fighting isn’t bad, but I still do not want to fight those I love. Though why is it that I do not want to fight them? Is it merely because I was taught otherwise? Am I merely following the beliefs of someone else? No, I believe that to fight those we love is to not love them at all. I want to be able to love them.”
[12:42:26 AM] Prasand J.: it’s not a perception of right nor wrong
[12:42:30 AM] Prasand J.: it’s a desire
[12:42:35 AM] Prasand J.: it’s important in that case
[12:42:42 AM] Prasand J.: but other things such as
[12:42:50 AM] Prasand J.: “I want those shoes”
[12:42:56 AM] Prasand J.: are idle

[12:44:45 AM] Prasand J.: idle doesn’t necessarily mean “still”
[12:45:00 AM] Prasand J.: http://www.answers.com/idle&r=67
[12:45:21 AM] Prasand J.: it lacks substance
[12:45:28 AM] Prasand J.: hence why it doesn’t affect your state
[12:45:31 AM] Prasand J.: if you get it or not
[12:45:41 AM] Prasand J.: it won’t break you to not do it or not get it
[12:46:00 AM] Prasand J.: then it can also be
[12:46:09 AM] Prasand J.: to move lazilly and without purpose
[12:46:22 AM] Prasand J.: thus negating the perception of “idle” being “still”

[12:49:39 AM] Ria Yoshida: yea, I had the google definition page already open :P
[12:49:51 AM] Ria Yoshida: i see isee
[12:50:15 AM] Prasand J.: idle desires are the only way to be content with what you have, while still wanting
[12:50:38 AM] Prasand J.: “I want to go blah blah blah” “no.” “okay.”

[12:52:14 AM] Prasand J.: it’s a dream which does not conflict with reality

[12:58:52 AM] Prasand J.: oh you can delete that file if you want

Session Close (Ria Yoshida): Thu Nov 15 00:59:03 2007
Session Start (Prasand J.:Ria Yoshida): Thu Nov 15 01:00:16 2007

[01:00:18 AM] Ria Yoshida: k

[01:00:18 AM] *** Auto-response sent to Ria Yoshida: “The search for perfection ends the moment it begins.” -Prasand

[01:00:19 AM] Ria Yoshida: stacy’s interesting :)))))))))
[01:00:26 AM] Ria Yoshida: just started myspace mailing…
[01:00:27 AM] Prasand J.: =)
[01:00:44 AM] Prasand J.: did you read her page / blogs?
[01:00:46 AM] Ria Yoshida: you’re madness has meaning
[01:00:49 AM] Ria Yoshida: !!!
[01:00:54 AM] Ria Yoshida: briefly
[01:01:00 AM] Prasand J.: good enough
[01:01:03 AM] Ria Yoshida: her page yes.. i likey
[01:01:42 AM] Prasand J.: she sold me when I read the line that she’s the queen of TMI
[01:01:51 AM] Prasand J.: @ being open
[01:02:03 AM] Ria Yoshida: what’s TMI?
[01:02:08 AM] Prasand J.: too much information
[01:02:12 AM] Ria Yoshida: o right
[01:02:19 AM] Ria Yoshida: :)))))
[01:02:40 AM] Prasand J.: she’s a Libra like tiffany
[01:02:47 AM] Prasand J.: but is more open and honest than tiffany
[01:03:14 AM] Prasand J.: Kristen is also a libra … but more needy than Tiffany

[01:04:49 AM] Prasand J.: Libra’s are definitely social people
[01:04:57 AM] Prasand J.: and since she lives in your area
[01:05:01 AM] Prasand J.: I thought it would be good
[01:05:03 AM] Prasand J.: =)
[01:05:57 AM] Prasand J.: oh yeah she read the entire dialogue that we had yesterday or was that the day before?
[01:06:05 AM] Prasand J.: cause I ended up sending it to Stephanie
[01:06:11 AM] Prasand J.: since we were talking about security
[01:06:15 AM] Prasand J.: and I think that was the first time
[01:06:22 AM] Prasand J.: I ever covered the topic completely
[01:06:28 AM] Prasand J.: so I just sent her the whole convo
[01:06:43 AM] Prasand J.: and because I was talking about the same thing to Stacy
[01:06:48 AM] Prasand J.: about her situations, etc
[01:07:05 AM] Prasand J.: and realized that I was rather cryptic about what I told her
[01:07:12 AM] Prasand J.: I asked if she wanted to read it
[01:07:18 AM] Prasand J.: she said yes, so I forwarded it to her
[01:09:35 AM] Ria Yoshida: :)
[01:09:49 AM] Ria Yoshida: cool
[01:09:59 AM] Prasand J.: =)

[01:10:41 AM] Ria Yoshida: I’m like you in regards to sharing
[01:10:45 AM] Ria Yoshida: unlike Tiff
[01:10:52 AM] Prasand J.: it’s funny how many people perceived me to be the most egotistical person they know … when the reality is I’m probably the most community-oriented person they know
[01:11:04 AM] Ria Yoshida: if there really is somehting I don’t want you to say I would say so…. but there really isn’t lol
[01:11:15 AM] Prasand J.: the irony is … those people who perceived me to be egotistical … like Nicolette, and Bobby
[01:11:21 AM] Prasand J.: the reason why they perceived it
[01:11:35 AM] Prasand J.: was because they were the ones who were egotistical in those moments
[01:12:38 AM] Prasand J.: but like all of that coincides with my attentive nature
[01:12:41 AM] Prasand J.: like when we go out
[01:12:53 AM] Prasand J.: how I try not to neglect others
[01:12:58 AM] Prasand J.: when I’m in entertaining mode
[01:13:30 AM] Prasand J.: those who aren’t willing to do so are being egotistical, or thinking of themselves

[01:14:23 AM] Prasand J.: but know
[01:14:29 AM] Prasand J.: even this act is egotistical
[01:14:36 AM] Prasand J.: the fact that I’m dividing myself from them
[01:14:50 AM] Prasand J.: the difference is
[01:14:55 AM] Prasand J.: it’s not a negative judgement
[01:15:02 AM] Prasand J.: I don’t perceive it to be “wrong”
[01:15:11 AM] Prasand J.: or their selfishness to be wrong
[01:16:06 AM] Prasand J.:

Prasand J.: it’s always
Prasand J.: wrong, bad, and worse
Prasand J.: at all times
Prasand J.: people want to be right, good, or better
Prasand J.: but are not willing to see
Prasand J.: how they are wrong, bad, or worse
Prasand J.: because they are egotistical
Prasand J.: and want to perceive themselves as above others
Prasand J.: better than others
Prasand J.: because they are truly insecure
Prasand J.: therefore
Prasand J.: your questions of what if it feels wrong
Prasand J.: pointless
Prasand J.: and it’s just your insecurities playing with you
Prasand J.: because of your uncertainty

[01:16:15 AM] Prasand J.: when I divided you that was egotistical
[01:16:22 AM] Prasand J.: I could say the same things
[01:16:26 AM] Prasand J.: using “we”
[01:16:42 AM] Prasand J.: or omitting “your”
[01:16:54 AM] Prasand J.: instead of “your questions of what if it feels wrong”
[01:17:03 AM] Prasand J.: “questions on if it feels wrong”
[01:17:23 AM] Prasand J.: “and it’s just our insecurities playing with us”
[01:17:36 AM] Prasand J.: “because of uncertainty”
[01:18:09 AM] Prasand J.: such an act is to unify with the other

[01:21:55 AM] Ria Yoshida: :)
[01:22:04 AM] Ria Yoshida: me love you long time p~chyaaan
[01:22:11 AM] Prasand J.: lol
[01:22:45 AM] Ria Yoshida: and with all the shit I’ve read/learned/experienced
[01:22:53 AM] Ria Yoshida: I’m like, ok I got this
[01:23:02 AM] Ria Yoshida: insecurity and ego can’t touch me!
[01:23:06 AM] Ria Yoshida: ha!
[01:23:08 AM] Prasand J.: lol
[01:23:09 AM] Ria Yoshida: it was just that…
[01:23:20 AM] Ria Yoshida: ….fucking ego and insecurity
[01:23:25 AM] Ria Yoshida: creeping on me…!
[01:23:41 AM] Ria Yoshida: and I guess losing myself to those around me
[01:23:45 AM] Ria Yoshida: it rubs off
[01:23:57 AM] Ria Yoshida: Tiff, Henry, family, etc
[01:24:17 AM] Ria Yoshida: and also goes to show
[01:24:20 AM] Prasand J.: all of those people are overwhelming
[01:24:25 AM] Ria Yoshida: lmao
[01:24:35 AM] Prasand J.: tiffany is a very influential and controlling person
[01:24:43 AM] Prasand J.: henry @ drama / emotional bullshit
[01:24:48 AM] Prasand J.: then family @ loud
[01:24:55 AM] Ria Yoshida: lmao!
[01:25:22 AM] Ria Yoshida: and I’m interacting with Bobby on a regular right now
[01:25:23 AM] Ria Yoshida: :P
[01:25:27 AM] Ria Yoshida: woo hoo
[01:25:42 AM] Prasand J.: that’s cool
[01:25:44 AM] Ria Yoshida: oh the pleasure I get from pain
[01:25:47 AM] Prasand J.: though why “woo hoo”?
[01:25:59 AM] Ria Yoshida: woo hoo at overwhelming
[01:26:09 AM] Prasand J.: oh, lol
[01:26:14 AM] Prasand J.: well if you find security
[01:26:22 AM] Prasand J.: you’d have no problem handling bobby
[01:26:45 AM] Prasand J.: all of the issues that I stated before which would arise
[01:26:58 AM] Prasand J.: wouldn’t exist
[01:27:13 AM] Prasand J.: since once a person finds security
[01:27:19 AM] Prasand J.: issues cease to exist
[01:27:28 AM] Ria Yoshida: :)
[01:27:30 AM] Ria Yoshida: true
[01:27:42 AM] Ria Yoshida: jOseph said aloooong time ago
[01:27:50 AM] Ria Yoshida: the most attractive quality in a woman is
[01:27:57 AM] Ria Yoshida: being confident in her insecurities
[01:28:07 AM] Ria Yoshida: and I take it
[01:28:09 AM] Ria Yoshida: as
[01:28:29 AM] Ria Yoshida: just that without the whole he said what about a woman
[01:28:47 AM] Ria Yoshida: confidence in insecurity…. finding security
[01:29:06 AM] Ria Yoshida: is c..secure?
[01:29:19 AM] Ria Yoshida: it’s not conceited
[01:29:23 AM] Prasand J.: not necessary .. but yes
[01:29:29 AM] Ria Yoshida: i see
[01:29:29 AM] Prasand J.: however
[01:29:43 AM] Prasand J.: confidence in insecurity is more so
[01:29:51 AM] Prasand J.: a person who accepts their insecurities
[01:30:01 AM] Prasand J.: and is okay with being insecure
[01:30:13 AM] Ria Yoshida: ah
[01:30:31 AM] Prasand J.: remember accepting oneself without ridule or judgment
[01:30:44 AM] Ria Yoshida: oy vey
[01:30:48 AM] Prasand J.: it’s not “bad” to be insecure
[01:30:51 AM] Ria Yoshida: my family is jewish dude
[01:31:02 AM] Ria Yoshida: they invented ridicule and judgement!
[01:31:10 AM] Ria Yoshida: lol
[01:31:10 AM] Prasand J.: lol
[01:31:24 AM] Ria Yoshida: that’s why I used to argue with them
[01:31:36 AM] Ria Yoshida: and than just stopped
[01:31:40 AM] Ria Yoshida: trying to accept
[01:31:52 AM] Ria Yoshida: when some how that translated into me
[01:31:52 AM] Prasand J.: either that or trying to avoid
[01:32:00 AM] Ria Yoshida: …ah
[01:32:05 AM] Ria Yoshida: yea, avoid :P
[01:32:18 AM] Prasand J.: truth, takes awhile to acknowledge
[01:32:23 AM] Ria Yoshida: lol
[01:32:25 AM] Ria Yoshida: damn it
[01:32:29 AM] Ria Yoshida: oops
[01:32:38 AM] Ria Yoshida: no judge
[01:32:43 AM] Prasand J.: lol
[01:32:58 AM] Prasand J.: it’s about breaking habits
[01:33:11 AM] Prasand J.: one can’t expect to do it overnight
[01:33:38 AM] Ria Yoshida: ://////
[01:33:54 AM] Ria Yoshida: trueee

[01:34:15 AM] Ria Yoshida: but I want results now with out all the hard work!!!
[01:34:17 AM] Ria Yoshida: eh
[01:34:23 AM] Ria Yoshida: *namaste*
[01:34:55 AM] Ria Yoshida: i do get enjoyment out of work htough
[01:34:57 AM] Ria Yoshida: now…
[01:35:10 AM] Ria Yoshida: it’s getting to ‘know’ myself
[01:35:15 AM] Ria Yoshida: my capabilities
[01:35:18 AM] Prasand J.: =)
[01:35:33 AM] Ria Yoshida: even with the physical
[01:35:45 AM] Ria Yoshida: remember how freak’n lazy I was…. am???
[01:35:51 AM] Ria Yoshida: welp, I love me yoga and pilates
[01:35:56 AM] Prasand J.: lol
[01:35:58 AM] Ria Yoshida: stretching and moving
[01:35:59 AM] Ria Yoshida: even sex
[01:36:15 AM] Ria Yoshida: dude….. i should just show you my evolvement!
[01:36:20 AM] Ria Yoshida: you’ll be so proud!
[01:36:23 AM] Ria Yoshida: lol
[01:36:25 AM] Prasand J.: lol
[01:36:31 AM] Ria Yoshida: men run from me now
[01:36:40 AM] Prasand J.: lmfao
[01:36:40 AM] Ria Yoshida: before they used to attack

[01:38:06 AM] Ria Yoshida: oh how pain can be so pleasurable….. :D
[01:38:22 AM] Ria Yoshida: messy, dirty, risky, perverted… wahahahahaha
[01:38:42 AM] Ria Yoshida: ….ok…. must stop cause I’m getting horny
[01:38:48 AM] Prasand J.: lol
[01:39:05 AM] Ria Yoshida: i’m still on my hunt to have an orgasm through intercourse though
[01:39:52 AM] Ria Yoshida: Henry was probably the perfect size but he didn’t have the stamina
[01:39:55 AM] Ria Yoshida: :/
[01:40:37 AM] Ria Yoshida: new guy is fucking huge it’s coming out of my mouth when inside
[01:40:46 AM] Ria Yoshida: ….but theres hope
[01:40:48 AM] Ria Yoshida: lol
[01:40:59 AM] Prasand J.: lol
[01:40:59 AM] Ria Yoshida: wait… hope means I doubt
[01:41:01 AM] Ria Yoshida: eh
[01:41:26 AM] Prasand J.: you’re going about it all wrong
[01:41:30 AM] Ria Yoshida: my only true love is a little plastic pink double A battery holding man made item :X
[01:41:33 AM] Prasand J.: you’re trying to change too much at once
[01:41:37 AM] Prasand J.: I told you
[01:41:41 AM] Prasand J.: first accept yourself
[01:41:48 AM] Prasand J.: what you just did
[01:41:55 AM] Prasand J.: was ridiculed yourself
[01:41:58 AM] Ria Yoshida: ….
[01:42:01 AM] Ria Yoshida: k
[01:42:08 AM] Prasand J.: it’s okay to hope
[01:42:12 AM] Prasand J.: it’s okay to doubt
[01:42:25 AM] Prasand J.: stop trying to “correct” things
[01:42:31 AM] Prasand J.: because in doing so
[01:42:38 AM] Prasand J.: you perceive them to be “wrong” (hence you’re going about it all “wrong”)
[01:42:56 AM] Ria Yoshida: you’re ‘right’
[01:43:02 AM] Ria Yoshida: habbit
[01:43:06 AM] Ria Yoshida: whew
[01:43:19 AM] Ria Yoshida: creeps up….
[01:43:27 AM] Ria Yoshida: i see the difference
[01:43:38 AM] Ria Yoshida: now its practicing the difference
[01:43:50 AM] Ria Yoshida: ….first acceptance
[01:43:56 AM] Ria Yoshida: *namaste*
[01:44:14 AM] Prasand J.: in order to accept we must see the truth
[01:44:17 AM] Prasand J.: that means
[01:44:22 AM] Prasand J.: look at the full story
[01:44:31 AM] Prasand J.: the other possibilities
[01:44:41 AM] Prasand J.: and finding the one that doesn’t change
[01:44:47 AM] Prasand J.: regardless of what we feel or think about it
[01:45:18 AM] Prasand J.: and accepting that one
[01:45:24 AM] Prasand J.: as well as the others
[01:45:53 AM] Prasand J.: it’s to see yourself from the outside in
[01:45:59 AM] Prasand J.: the same way I watch you
[01:46:04 AM] Prasand J.: and can point out things
[01:46:07 AM] Prasand J.: watch yourself
[01:46:10 AM] Prasand J.: see what you’re saying
[01:46:15 AM] Prasand J.: look at what you are doing
[01:46:20 AM] Prasand J.: and understand yourself
[01:46:35 AM] Ria Yoshida: k
[01:46:50 AM] Ria Yoshida: :)
[01:47:10 AM] Prasand J.: treat yourself like a stranger
[01:47:14 AM] Prasand J.: and get to know yourself
[01:47:58 AM] Prasand J.: here’s something else I didn’t tell you yesterday
[01:48:03 AM] Prasand J.: or whatever day that was
[01:48:07 AM] Prasand J.: it’s about truth / reality
[01:48:25 AM] Prasand J.: you asked me how does one tell what’s the truth
[01:48:29 AM] Prasand J.: however
[01:48:38 AM] Prasand J.: I told you how to find the absolute truth
[01:48:43 AM] Prasand J.: there are always three truths
[01:48:48 AM] Prasand J.: three realities
[01:49:11 AM] Ria Yoshida: it was yesterday homie… lol @ your sense of days
[01:49:15 AM] Prasand J.: your reality, my reality, and the reality which has nothing to do with either of us.
[01:49:34 AM] Prasand J.: to see the three realities / truths imagine this
[01:49:42 AM] Prasand J.: you and I are walking down the street
[01:49:47 AM] Prasand J.: we see a woman approaching us
[01:49:51 AM] Prasand J.: pushing a stroller
[01:49:54 AM] Prasand J.: one of us says
[01:50:03 AM] Prasand J.: (doesn’t matter which one)
[01:50:19 AM] Prasand J.: “she looks so sad” after seeing that she appears to be crying
[01:50:32 AM] Prasand J.: the other person says
[01:50:41 AM] Prasand J.: “she might be crying because she’s happy”
[01:50:54 AM] Prasand J.: the first person looks up into the sky and says
[01:51:09 AM] Prasand J.: “it might not be a tear at all, it might have started to rain”
[01:51:16 AM] Prasand J.: the other person looks up and says
[01:51:39 AM] Prasand J.: “it might not be rain, it might be water from the air conditioner that’s hanging out the window 15 stories above us”
[01:51:46 AM] Prasand J.: who is right?
[01:51:58 AM] Prasand J.: who’s reality is the truth?
[01:52:04 AM] Prasand J.: both of us are
[01:52:10 AM] Prasand J.: because in our own worlds
[01:52:13 AM] Prasand J.: we are right
[01:52:21 AM] Prasand J.: even if it’s speculation
[01:52:23 AM] Prasand J.: however
[01:52:27 AM] Prasand J.: what’s the third reality
[01:52:33 AM] Prasand J.: which has nothing to do with either of our biases
[01:52:37 AM] Prasand J.: that does not change
[01:52:45 AM] Prasand J.: regardless of what we want to debate
[01:52:56 AM] Prasand J.: “there’s a drop of liquid on her face”
[01:53:24 AM] Prasand J.: there is always at least three realities / truths
[01:53:31 AM] Prasand J.: the one that I was speaking of
[01:53:36 AM] Prasand J.: when you asked me how does one tell
[01:53:40 AM] Prasand J.: was the third
[01:53:50 AM] Prasand J.: the only reality which isn’t dependant upon dreams
[01:54:26 AM] Prasand J.: it is very difficult to perceive the world from the third reality
[01:54:28 AM] Prasand J.: at all times
[01:54:33 AM] Prasand J.: it may even be impossible
[01:54:43 AM] Prasand J.: because our perspective starts within ourselves
[01:54:53 AM] Prasand J.: however, the more one masters seeing the third reality
[01:55:02 AM] Prasand J.: the easier it becomes to employ that perspective
[01:56:26 AM] Ria Yoshida: and employing that perspective
[01:56:37 AM] Ria Yoshida: is working with the universe
[01:56:41 AM] Ria Yoshida: so to speak?
[01:56:50 AM] Ria Yoshida: or
[01:56:53 AM] Ria Yoshida: is just truth
[01:56:55 AM] Prasand J.: I guess one can look at it that way
[01:57:02 AM] Ria Yoshida: that is truth
[01:57:17 AM] Prasand J.: employing that perspective is to perceive the truth beyond ourselves
[01:57:17 AM] Ria Yoshida: as to the answer to my original question :)
[01:57:25 AM] Ria Yoshida: ah
[01:57:34 AM] Prasand J.: prior to that we are limited to our own truths
[01:57:39 AM] Ria Yoshida: right
[01:57:47 AM] Prasand J.: there’s two kinds of truth
[01:57:51 AM] Prasand J.: relative, and absolute
[01:58:01 AM] Ria Yoshida: yup
[01:58:22 AM] Ria Yoshida: it’s almost 2am
[01:58:34 AM] Ria Yoshida: reletive to my work performance tomorrow
[01:58:36 AM] Ria Yoshida: eh
[01:58:40 AM] Ria Yoshida: lol
[01:58:53 AM] Prasand J.: lol, derelict
[01:59:04 AM] Ria Yoshida: night night pchyan
[01:59:09 AM] Prasand J.: good night
[02:01:09 AM] *** “Ria Yoshida” signed off at Thu Nov 15 02:01:09 2007.

Session Close (Ria Yoshida): Thu Nov 15 02:01:14 2007